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| Sschubert's Blog |
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| The following is a list of Sschubert's blog entries, in reverse order |
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St Patty’s Day – My Social Schedule – My Vacation – My drinking! |
Wednesday, March 17, 2010 (17:59:24) |
Tonight Green beer and cheers!  
May my GP Friends and Family have the luck o the Irish! That is a blessing I am bestowing on all gp peeps – even the mean ones! LMAO – May the drinks be flowing for you! LOL!! 
Tomorrow night is my sisters house for family time– 
Friday night is GNO – 
Saturday night the Theater- 
Sunday and Monday school work and packing –
Tuesday I am on vacation until the 30th – 
So GP from me to you – with all my heart – even if half the time it’s empty – so will be my drinks – lmao!
HUGGS!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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Really?!?!?!?! |
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 (19:53:53) |
Don’t you just hate it when people assume that they know what you should feel – or what a certain reaction meant? Or they think they know what you want?
I hate that – I need time and space – my head is spinning and I don’t know what I want or need or feel – so how is it someone else can presume or assume that they do then…hmmm??
XOXOXO
Steph |
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Buyer's Remorse - kinda! |
Tuesday, March 09, 2010 (22:31:00) |
Ok so I bought me and the boy new laptops, with wireless mousse & a new all in one printer. I am getting the house set up for wireless and I upgraded my cell phone …I have everything tech I could ever need – at least for the next 3 yrs – I am on the road to becoming frugal again.
I am pondering applying for a new manger position that has come to my attention through our corporate offices in Dallas. I mean let’s put this degree to work shall we? I don’t know though….decisions……….. decisions……….I mean it will definitely mean a lot more traveling – but I can handle that with my new cell phone and laptop now right?!?!?!?! The pay increase might be nice – and the title – but I am not so sure about the culture – that is where I am struggling right now – will I fit in and be happy or will I end up being miserable and I am better off staying put for now……I haven’t quite decided…..
ANYWAY – GP PEEPS – that’s all I’ve got – I haven’t been hit with a good dose of inspiration recently – maybe it’s because everything has been so busy – but one hopefully will come along sooner rather later! Anyway – that’s all I got…for now anyway!
XOXOXO
Steph
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HERE I AM! |
Thursday, March 04, 2010 (17:07:04) |
SO I have started my Graduate Degree classes – I was win Florida at the beginning of the week touring a lithographic printing box plant for work. I received a promotion and a raise – and I should get my bonus next week – so I can go and buy me and the boy new computers…laptops – so I still have to get WiFi installed at my house – and upgrade my cell phone – then we should be all caught up with current technology – for the time being anyway!
All that being said I haven’t had too much to write – I have an idea for a collaboration piece – but won’t be able to work on it until this weekend! I just wanted to let everyone – I am feeling much better – and so is my son! THANK GOD FOR THAT!
So in a couple weeks Anthony and I are going on spring break vacation. The BF couldn’t make it – he works in the union and they are talking about going on strike me in April – so that is the last week of work he might have for a while – so he can’t join us – which is fine – Aj and I could use some good bonding time! We are going to the cabin at Lake of the Ozarks – at least I think that’s where it’s at – and we will be riding ATV’s and go carts and clay pigeon shooting – I love that – I’m not a dead eye – but I am a good shot – lmao! Eat some good Kansas City barbecue and have some beers with some good old family friend – should be a hoot!
When I get back I will take over all my new duties and responsibilities in my new role and will really be buckling down – for work and school, and my fitness/diet could really use some time and attention too – the holidays, dating and traveling is not good for the diet – I let myself become weak lol – sooooo now it’s time to get tough again! Time to immerse myself in the routine, routine ,routine…..YES it’s time to focus!
The good news is everything I have been striving for all this time – is finally starting to pay off! There really is alight at the end of every tunnel – I suppose it’s only a matter of if you walk through end to end or turn around and go out the same way you got in – lol – I am stubborn so I always walk through it – no matter how much it might hurt – and no matter how long it may take! Pitbull’s are world famous for their tenacity – and that’s what I have tenacity – no wonder they are my favorite bully breed! No wonder my bet friend is a put bull – ok well one of my bff’s anyway!
Ok well I am done rambling on and on and on – I though I should publish something since I haven’t been writing any poetry…..more to come soon though – you know me – it’s inevitable!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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BLAH |
Tuesday, February 23, 2010 (20:52:41) |
I have a 103 degree fever - my throat hurts - my ears hurt- my head hurts - I am congested - my BP is up and my stomach hurts too! I am at work - how dedicated am I?
XOXOXO 
Steph |
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Romantic DUD!!!!!!! LMAO |
Monday, February 22, 2010 (17:36:41) |
You know at first I was inclined to say men suck – but what I realized is it’s me….every time in every relationship I have ever been in…….whenever I have tried to set up a seductive surprise evening – it never works – so why do I bother? Inquiring minds want to know – The answer is I won’t ever again that is for damn sure! 
Here’s how it went - sexy red dress and Cinderella shoes – curled hair – candle light dinner – simple yet nice – I thought – an intimate gift – the text I’m on my way – then a few minutes later – sorry babe I already ate….. 
So here is how it went after that ……….quick blow out the candles – clean the kitchen – take off the dress & shoes and put on sweats – put curled hair in ponytail – not enough time to hide intimate gift – oh well it went unused anyway – so I will be throwing it out next week on trash day – lol – yep a whole lot of time and effort for nothing – and yes I learned my lesson – there will be no more of that – EVER – it never worked when I was married – I don’t know why I thought it would work out now that I’m not – DUH – HAPPY MONDAY MY FRIENDS! Oh and I see we have some new expert poets here on GP  – welcome.
XOXOXO
Steph |
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Fabulous Friday & aAHAPPY WEEKEND |
Friday, February 19, 2010 (22:32:00) |
Well I am just going to talk about this inter-office gossip because I know if I just share it – it will quit giving me the heebie jeebies – BLAH! OK sooooooo it seems someone who has a history of dating people at work has a brand new relationship – disgusting is what I think it is – I did that once – never NEVER never again – I learned my lesson – people you work with are NOT people you need to be having relationships with – anyway I about puked when I saw them all touchy feely in the big meeting we had today – I mean yuck – get a room – no one needs to know about your feelings for each other at work !!!
It would make me laugh so hard if the person she dated before at work knew about this – all I know is now I am thoroughly disgusted – ok that’s my only rant – I guess everything does happen for a reason and well yeah lessons are lessons – I just don’t get why other people don’t ever catch on – YUCKY!!!!!
ANWAY – ok …………..here is what I really wanted to share……………FINALLY my luck is turning around – yesterday was the perfect day in every sense of the word – today I got the new terms for my home – I get to keep it – I have so many people to thanks and I am humbled by the blessings I have that I have been ignoring – God bless GP – have a wonderful weekend!
From my heart to yours!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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Sabatoge |
Thursday, February 18, 2010 (00:48:37) |
Ok so as the day has progressed my mood has lightened a little bit and what I have decided for now at the moment is that everything will work itself out - it always does - whether we stay together or not - he seems to be wanting to make amends already……so I think that’s cool – I mean after all I did give him quite a scare….getting upset the way I did……
I think really there has just been so much drama going on around us - that it is effecting us a little more then we thought - but who really knows – I quit trying to predict the future or fall head over heels since the breakup I went though before that - his problem as he put it - is I am the one in this relationship with one foot out the door and he doesn’t know how to change that - and he has never been on that side of the relationship before - funny thing is - I have never been on this side of the relationship - you know……being the one holding back - refusing to fall all the way.
I got burned so badly the last time that I promised myself I would never ever ever ever ever ever let myself be unguarded again – my heart will never overrule my head – and logic will overrule love in any and all future potential partnership situations.
And so far it's working like a charm - and for the first time in my life I have this man who is genuinely a nice guy –who loves me so much strangers can see it, who wears his heart and emotions on his sleeve, who has and always will drop anything and everything to go to the ends of the earth for me – and instead of trusting that no matter how many times he proves himself – I sit here and remain skeptical …..you know I am still waiting for that impending disaster - so really this is more my fault then his –and I admit that openly!
So I know exactly what he is saying –I just don’t know how to fix it - without putting my heart in harms way AGAIN - which I am just not all that willing to do it seems....so I guess when I figure me out - then we can figure us out - and in the meantime we are going to have to work on stepping around instead of on each other's feelings…because as he stated last night – he is scared he is going to lose me to my own stubbornness and all he can do is mean what he says and do what he says he will and hope to hell I recognize it before it’s too late….lol!
I am always so shocked to hear how he thinks about things and how well he knows me – how well he pays attention to all the details – big and small – and he is right – this is about me not him……how’s that for a confession of sabotage? Not the prettiest picture in the gallery – but an honest one I guess!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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Wednesday - Middle of the road - Middle of who the fuck cares anyway?!?!?!?! |
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 (18:45:00) |
It’s a middle of the road – middle of the week kind of day – and well - I realize and readily and publically admit that I may not handle everything in this life perfectly - hell who fucking does?
But what I don’t understand is how one thing – one moment - can be used to define everything – I have finally decided this just must be the way men’s minds work – forget all the things that I do everyday (talk about feeling unappreciated) my god one minute it‘s good and the next he wakes up and decides not only is he not happy – but I’m not either – since when does someone else get to assign me my feelings?
WTF – I give up – I am done killing myself to find love – give love and float in calm waters – I am better off on my own – and the song below expresses it perfectly! As a matter of fact consider it my theme song for life…….Yes this is it…..
I have no idea what the future holds – all I know is I can barely live up to my own expectations let alone someone else’s (hence my new poem) and when he walked out the door this morning all I could hear – regardless of the words he used – is that he isn’t happy..
The bottom line is that I can never be enough, say enough, or give enough to make him happy – the fact is I can’t make anyone happy – happiness comes from within – I can’t save or rescue anyone but myself– so I am not even going to bother trying……yes that is what I am going to say when the conversation rolls that way next time……..if your not happy feel free to take the next exit right out of my life - cause I am not living like this – been there done that – for 18 years one time…..and well I have seen enough endings in my life to know when one is looming on the horizon – and to know that beginnings will always be my favorite – even though they are fleeting and never last long ……….
Artist: Sum41 lyrics
Song: Pieces lyrics
I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I’d thought it’d be easy
But no on believes me
I meant all the things that I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing could save me
But it’s the only thing that I have
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
(On my own!)
I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own |
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MONDAY AGAIN! |
Monday, February 15, 2010 (20:53:34) |
Well – wow what a weekend – I had an allergic reaction that almost put me in the hospital – thanks to my own stubbornness and Benadryl though- I avoided the emergency room – TGFT! LOL – My throat hurts and I am tired as hell – but I am ready for the week anyway! I start my first Masters Degree class on the 23rd – and I now that V-Day has passed am on the biggest diet of all time – tonight my son and I are going to the rec center so he can swim and I can workout! NO MORE, candy, chocolate, or pies for this girl – we are going back to raw vegetables and a heavy workout schedule – as it should be!
Things are going to be very busy at work this week – I have training, and meetings and a dinner for work – plus I have been riding my son about homework! Thankfully his Dad finally got a job with a good company – but depending on his work schedule – I might have him a lot more – which is fine – I miss him when he’s not home….
So the BF made it Valentines all weekend – mostly anyway – Friday night we went to a really nice dinner at Benny Hanna’s met some nice people there – then Saturday he was there willing to take me to the hospital if I wanted to go – which I DIDN’T – lol – but I received roses and a teddy bear, and then Sunday we made a really nice steak dinner and I received more roses and a card – all in all it was nice celebrating this holiday for the first time in ohhhh 5 or 6 years……..lol! Here is a new idea for a poem I am working on – it seems unfinished to me – so all comments are welcome!!!!!!
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Are You Sorry
Copyright ©2010 Stephanie R Schubert
Are you sorry
As sorry as me
That I ever knew you
That I ever loved you
Are you sorry
When I cross your mind
Never again to know
How much of my heart
You used to have
Are you sorry
That thinking of you
Makes my stomach hurt
Makes me sick inside
That I ever gave myself to you
All the while knowing
you never really tried
Are you ever sorry
You became part of the past
That we didn’t last
That you are everything
You said you weren’t
And I believed all your lies
Are you ever sorry
You lied and wasted
What could have been
the best part of your life
Instead your alone and labeled
A USER
And for what – for everything
That makes me sorry
I ever knew you
Loved you
Or cared about you
I am only sorry
I ever knew you
**********************************************
HAPPY MONDAY GP and have a GREAT week!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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HAPPY VALENTINE DAY GP!!!!! |
Thursday, February 11, 2010 (22:01:20) |
Last night I kept trying to fall asleep – and yet I couldn’t every time I was almost close a poem crept into my mind – that and one really good idea for a novel – so I had to wake up – grab the notebook I keep under my bed and write it all down before they were gone gone gone…….EVEN so – I still lost a couple of good ideas – that always happens! Isn’t it weird how creativity just takes over like that????
ANYWAY what I wanted to say to my GP friends & family
Is that I hope YOU ALL have a fabulous Valentines Day!!!!
This will be the first time in about 4 years I am celebrating this holiday
Even sooo I have been trying to keep it VERY LOW KEY
You know not make a big fuss about it….
My gifts for the BF & my son are in my trunk – I hope nothing melts!!! LMAO But I didn’t know where else to hide them that would not be discovered….
Anyway – that’s all I’ve got – and in case I’m not on until next week! I just wanted to say HAPPY V-DAY GP!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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MONDAY AGAIN! |
Monday, February 08, 2010 (18:32:00) |
Apparently someone used another persons computer to write really mean and nasty comments under one of my poems and I responded in kind – but then I got an note back explaining the situation and once I received the what really happened scenario I deleted the comments – but here is reminder to everyone – I am all for honest critques but being an asshole is unbecoming and not a good look for anyone. Being honest does not mean being cruel and rude…………..
I have been dealing with a lot of family issues and to come back and find that nonsense under my work is rude – and so whoever wrote that on my poem – I so wish you the same week I had last week….thankfully it was all worked out but still……..
The baby went home from the hospital yesterday and the newborn came on Tuesday – I think my sister was shocked I was such a good coach – really I wasn't the nurse she had rocked – but I made a great video for Dad since he couldn’t be there!
Anyway – I am annoyed now – I am felling worn out and run down and basically pretty bitchy – but I am happy to be at work and happy to have resolved that little comment incident.
Have a GREAT week my GP friends and family……..I will be trying to catch back up.
XOXOXO
Steph |
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IMPROVEMENT |
Tuesday, February 02, 2010 (21:25:10) |
Aaron is making steady progress and slowly improving – he can breathe on his own so they are hoping to take out the ventilator today his airways have been inflamed so I am still waiting to hear the final treatment plan for the next 24-48 hrs but hopefully off the machine today!
TONIGHT we are having a baby! I will be @ Avista bringing baby Mason into the world SO offline & work for 2 days so I can run between hospitals, babies, & MOM/DAD if need be Thank You ALL so much your prayers are working!!
OHHHH and I finally completed the requirements for my degree -UOP paid for my final submission and I am officially a college graduate - wheew - that only took 10 yrs - YIPPEE!
XOXOXO
Steph |
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The Worst Monday EVER |
Monday, February 01, 2010 (18:22:26) |
My 2 year old nephews is in Children’s’ hospital in critical condition and on a ventilator to breathe for him – hopefully he will come off of it today as he is taking a few breaths on his own – the machine does 22 breaths a minute he is up to 27 breaths –this is a hard time for my sister and her family – which means for everyone……..personally my heart will be broken until he is the baby boy I know and love again…….Man yesterday was hard – my son is with his dad so I couldn’t even hug him – I guess they decided it was RSV – he quit breathing and was airlifted from an Explema hospital to Children’s Saturday night – man trauma hits hard sometimes………….my sister has been having contractions, her oldest son has been on a heart monitor – Friday my son had a fever and I had to go pick him up from school – my mom has the oldest two kids – and wow – there is just so much – I wrote a poem on Saturday before all this happened- I will post it later – it’s written on a napkin from the restaurant I was at when I had tow rite it down – anyway – that’s all I've got for now – and that should be plenty right?
XOXOXO
Steph  |
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The Worst Monday EVER |
Monday, February 01, 2010 (18:22:00) |
My 2 year old nephew is in Children’s’ hospital in critical condition and on a ventilator to breathe for him – hopefully he will come off of it today as he is taking a few breaths on his own – the machine does 22 breaths a minute he is up to 27 breaths –this is a hard time for my sister and her family – which means for everyone……..personally my heart will be broken until he is the baby boy I know and love again…….Man yesterday was hard – my son is with his dad so I couldn’t even hug him – I guess they decided it was RSV – he quit breathing and was airlifted from an Explema hospital to Children’s Saturday night – man trauma hits hard sometimes………….my sister has been having contractions, her oldest son has been on a heart monitor – Friday my son had a fever and I had to go pick him up from school – my mom has the oldest two kids – and wow – there is just so much – I wrote a poem on Saturday before all this happened- I will post it later – it’s written on a napkin from the restaurant I was at when I had to write it down – anyway – that’s all I've got for now – and that should be plenty right?
XOXOXO
Steph |
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