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zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
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 Posted: Mon Nov 2 20:57:41 EST 2009 Post subject: There is a clown |
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There is a clown on my bed
Every night he plays the fool
Keeping me awake
He jumps from one game to the next
Follows no pattern, no rules
Looking for happiness mind-made
Has become an addiction to be fed
Craving the changes of my moods
Black and blue moving shades
There is a clown in my head
<<edited only to strike out the word on in line 2 s3>>
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Last edited by zhaul on Mon Nov 16 14:17:26 EST 2009; edited 1 time in total |
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JesusFreak8956
Has written a poem or two
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| Posted: Tue Nov 3 9:27:13 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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This was really weird, but in a really good way. I enjoyed this, well done.
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zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
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Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
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| Posted: Tue Nov 3 20:50:48 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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| JesusFreak8956 wrote: |
| This was really weird, but in a really good way. I enjoyed this, well done. |
Thanks for reading and commenting
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fogglethorpe
I have posted over 2800 times!
        
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| Posted: Wed Nov 4 11:14:27 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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Nightmares and sleepy visions...this poem has that murky, dreamlike feel because of the off kilter rhythm and more subtle rhymes. I like it..it's honest and realistic, almost childlike.
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T.E.D
Has the Poetry Bug
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| Posted: Wed Nov 4 14:12:35 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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Its real well done. Very surreal.
Reminded me of the song 'Brain damage-Pink floyd' "The lunatic is my head"
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Deleted_User_8632
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| Posted: Wed Nov 4 23:57:13 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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Really creepy if I may say so...but it was good. Really good. I'm personally petrified of clowns. But again good work!
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zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
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| Posted: Thu Nov 5 0:14:47 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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| Beauty_In_Pain wrote: |
| Really creepy if I may say so...but it was good. Really good. I'm personally petrified of clowns. But again good work! |
Thanks for the comment
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Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
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zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
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| Posted: Thu Nov 5 0:15:21 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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| T.E.D wrote: |
Its real well done. Very surreal.
Reminded me of the song 'Brain damage-Pink floyd' "The lunatic is my head" |
I am glad to read your comment, thanks
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Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
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zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
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Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
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| Posted: Thu Nov 5 0:16:29 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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| fogglethorpe wrote: |
| Nightmares and sleepy visions...this poem has that murky, dreamlike feel because of the off kilter rhythm and more subtle rhymes. I like it..it's honest and realistic, almost childlike. |
Thanks for the comment, I did tried to keep it a light read, and yet give the sense of heavy insomnia.
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HSTeech
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
  
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| Posted: Sat Nov 7 23:59:45 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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Hola! Nice piece! English alert: "craving on should just be "craving."
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zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16 14:21:45 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
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| HSTeech wrote: |
| Hola! Nice piece! English alert: "craving on should just be "craving." |
Thanks Andrea, for reading and commenting, already took of the on.
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