In a constant state of flux,
another ostentatious fling.
I've been contemplating love
but it's a complicated thing

We tightly hold each other
so brazenly we're furled,
as we hide beneath the covers
both hidden from the world.

The love I've had for others
quickly gets transferred
onto a new exciting lover
when it's not meant for her.

I fall asleep fulfilled
with a companion by my side
but I awake to see a stranger
reflected in her eyes.

I can still feel her touch,
moments etched on my skin.
I've been contemplating love
but it's a complicated thing.

yep, it's a complicated thing all right. the repetition works great here and is catchy! would make nice lyrics.

Thanks, this could grow into a longer rap poem.

Yeah the repetition does work well here. It definetely was complicated. We all get those situations where it is like that.

Becky

I'm still getting over her weeks later, and I barely know her. It's strange. I blame endorphins.

lukaki26 wrote:

I'm still getting over her weeks later, and I barely know her. It's strange. I blame endorphins.

Carnal knowledge is hard to tear away from. Is it their flesh? Or the person we crave. Sex fucks me up.

I think your poem is perfect.

Nice poem. I agree that the repetition works well in it. I think that the subject is clearly conveyed and we get a real sense for the state that the poet (or narrator as it may be) is in when writing it.

My recommendation is a change from
"onto a new exciting lover
when it's not meant for her." to
"onto a new exciting lover
when it isn't meant for her." I think that it reads better, but it could be a personal preference.

I also feel like "quickly gets transferred" could do with a syllable or two more. It seems sort of abrupt when read with the other lines/stanzas.

In a constant state of flux,
another ostentatious fling.
I've been contemplating love
but it's a complicated thing

We tightly hold each other
so brazenly we're furled,
as we hide beneath the covers
both hidden from the world.

The love I've had for others
is soon to be transferred
onto a new exciting lover
when it isn't meant for her.

I fall asleep fulfilled
with a companion by my side
but I awake to see a stranger
reflected in her eyes.

I can still feel her touch,
moments etched on my skin.
I've been contemplating love
but it's a complicated thing.

Thank you all for your comments.

Ah, yes! It all reads very smoothly. Very nice.

I agree with Bman. My first impression upon reading this was that the rhythmic quality and repetition would make great song lyrics. A well written piece.