| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 4078
Credits: 276
Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
|
 Posted: Mon Nov 2 19:57:41 EST 2009 Post subject: There is a clown |
 |
There is a clown on my bed
Every night he plays the fool
Keeping me awake
He jumps from one game to the next
Follows no pattern, no rules
Looking for happiness mind-made
Has become an addiction to be fed
Craving the changes of my moods
Black and blue moving shades
There is a clown in my head
<<edited only to strike out the word on in line 2 s3>>
_________________
Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet.
Last edited by zhaul on Mon Nov 16 13:17:26 EST 2009; edited 1 time in total |
|
Karma: 2678.30  
Back to top |
|
 |
JesusFreak8956
Knows how to edit
Joined: Feb 01, 2009
Posts: 94
Credits: 1
Location: Home
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 3 8:27:13 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
This was really weird, but in a really good way. I enjoyed this, well done.
|
|
Karma: 58.00
Back to top |
|
|
zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 4078
Credits: 276
Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 3 19:50:48 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
| JesusFreak8956 wrote: |
| This was really weird, but in a really good way. I enjoyed this, well done. |
Thanks for reading and commenting
_________________
Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
|
Karma: 2678.30
Back to top |
|
|
fogglethorpe
Told love the world was on fire
       
Joined: Jan 15, 2008
Posts: 2461
Credits: 232
Location: Valley of the Sun
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 4 10:14:27 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
Nightmares and sleepy visions...this poem has that murky, dreamlike feel because of the off kilter rhythm and more subtle rhymes. I like it..it's honest and realistic, almost childlike.
_________________
Emo vampires are stupid. |
|
Karma: 262.10
Back to top |
|
|
T.E.D
Has the Poetry Bug
Joined: Aug 27, 2009
Posts: 42
Credits: 4
Location: Where the world ends
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 4 13:12:35 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
Its real well done. Very surreal.
Reminded me of the song 'Brain damage-Pink floyd' "The lunatic is my head"
|
|
Karma: 201.60
Back to top |
|
|
Beauty_In_Pain
Knows how to edit
Joined: Jul 21, 2009
Posts: 118
Credits: 8
Location: Online
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 4 22:57:13 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
Really creepy if I may say so...but it was good. Really good. I'm personally petrified of clowns. But again good work!
_________________
"The mind is it's own place, and in it one can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell'' |
|
Karma: 1286.50
Back to top |
|
|
zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 4078
Credits: 276
Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 4 23:14:47 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
| Beauty_In_Pain wrote: |
| Really creepy if I may say so...but it was good. Really good. I'm personally petrified of clowns. But again good work! |
Thanks for the comment
_________________
Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
|
Karma: 2678.30
Back to top |
|
|
zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 4078
Credits: 276
Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 4 23:15:21 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
| T.E.D wrote: |
Its real well done. Very surreal.
Reminded me of the song 'Brain damage-Pink floyd' "The lunatic is my head" |
I am glad to read your comment, thanks
_________________
Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
|
Karma: 2678.30
Back to top |
|
|
zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 4078
Credits: 276
Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
|
| Posted: Wed Nov 4 23:16:29 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
| fogglethorpe wrote: |
| Nightmares and sleepy visions...this poem has that murky, dreamlike feel because of the off kilter rhythm and more subtle rhymes. I like it..it's honest and realistic, almost childlike. |
Thanks for the comment, I did tried to keep it a light read, and yet give the sense of heavy insomnia.
_________________
Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
|
Karma: 2678.30
Back to top |
|
|
HSTeech
Told love the world was on fire
  
Joined: Aug 02, 2008
Posts: 2585
Credits: 454
Location: Battling ignorance in Rm 111
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 7 22:59:45 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
Hola! Nice piece! English alert: "craving on should just be "craving."
_________________
cleavegeneration.wordpress.com/
www.artemisrising.org/
Recipe for a poem by Thom Ward:
One dash syllable, One dash silence, One dash clarity, One dash mystery, One dash - the ineffable.. |
|
Karma: 2598.30
Back to top |
|
|
zhaul
"I'm not mad. I'm just PISSED OFF!"
Joined: Nov 30, 2007
Posts: 4078
Credits: 276
Location: CAMPECHE, MEXICO
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 16 13:21:45 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: There is a clown |
|
| HSTeech wrote: |
| Hola! Nice piece! English alert: "craving on should just be "craving." |
Thanks Andrea, for reading and commenting, already took of the on.
_________________
Poetry makes a better world,
Helping others the double of the advice you recieve in the working shops, makes you a better poet. |
|
Karma: 2678.30
Back to top |
|
|
|
.:: Home
:: Poems
:: Workshop Forums :: Register
:: Features
::.
Membership:
Latest: lostsoul104
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 8
Overall: 9338
Members: 10
Visitors: 191
Staff: 1
Forum FAQ
My Posts
Search
