i am glad to know all of you
i really am
you brighten up my life ...my achy achy life...
and now let me explain
See, my family was getting on my nerves about me being single...(yay me )
and i couldn't take it anymore so i yelled out
i have a girlfriend and her name is marie..
for those who do not know
this is nerdgirl ....aka my girl and sis for life Jenna
you guys should have seen their faces
they aren't against this ...they just hate that i was keep it a secret..
i am seriously LMAO here every time i think about it
this is why i am so glad to know all of you .....
all of you keep me wanting to be strong
Nerdy,,,Steph ...Shazza...Kinky(new but felt)
Sandy(wordlover)DD Disfrazada(doctor) alanb
P.P...induccccccee Chuck, maryanns, bman, lashie,foggums,,,and how could i forget Lestat...(silly me)
just all of my buddies in general
I am so happy right now
happy
happy
happy
i dont know why but i am
and i think i should share
right now i am in Journey's dont stop believing mood
yes!!!!
singing from the top of my lungs!!!!
i am so happy right now and i don't know why
at least
there are no more tears at the moment.
i realize that at this time in my life
the only one that can make me happy is me
me
me
me
Woooooow
i am so happy
did you notice the color??
my favorite !!
i am so happy!!!!!
i just can't stop saying that...
Tonight i got a phone call from my mother and she informs me that she and my daddy are seperating and now my emotions are everywhere
and i do mean every where
like this...
what the hell happened
didn't they say from death do us part
i will not cry..what do i have to cry for
i thought they were in love
or was it a lie the whole time
how long has this been going on
why are they trying to push me into this hell
does love really exist or is it just a word that makes us believe and hope in some one
as much as i want to cry
i can't because i don't understand what is going on and as i type at this minute i am back on the phone with my mom and this really hurts
I try so hard to be the one that smiles even when my feelings are hurt
when i am down and when i am just exhausted but i am tired ...
i wasn't going to write this but i need to get this off of my chest because if i don't i am going to explode
i helped my aunt cook yesterday which is all good because she needed me
no problem there
Problems came when the rest of the family came....
before i write this
i don't want anybody to think that i don't love my family because i do
i am just really hurting right now
ok
my mom and dad arrive...huggggs and kissses
my sisters and brothers ...yayyyyy
skip all of the eating and blah blah blah
i have to watch all of my sisters and brothers lovey dovey with each other which is so nice'')
My mom says out loud
Libby
why are you here alone?
when are you going to get married ?
you are the only one here without somebody
and i swear i am in a movie that i cant get out of
my replyMa i am not ready for all of that yet
Daddy jumps in
that is why you need to move back home
all alone out here
my replydaddy please
so i go outside and take a breath of fresh air
in which i am followed by my brother
and he says
Why don't you just find somebody Libby
don't you get tired of being the "lonely one"
or do you want sympathy?
Followed by the nosy one in my family,,,my sister
who comes and tells me
i don't feel sorry for you at all because you know what you want to do
and now i am feeling like shit and wondering if this is Jump on Libby Day instead of thanksgiving
now i am in a place where i just want to disappear for a while
because i am tired of my family telling me i need to find somebody
"somebody is not out there for me
if he is, can somebody tell me where?
i don't ask for much ...i really don't
but i will not settle for whatever the wind blows my way
i want somebody who is willing to except me for me ... L-I-B-B-Y
just the way she is
Just a normal day like any other
you wake up , take a shower
get dressed and go outside to enjoy some fresh air
but then the norm changes when see a flower truck coming your way
i am handed 2 roses and a note
i am thinking they are from my brother because he just visited and he knows that i love roses
but they're not from him
open the letter
I AM SORRY
HOPE YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME
AND I HAVE THE WTF LOOK ON MY FACE
i can't even cry right now
and most will think
awww this is so sweet
well it would have been sweet if .....
i am speechless but not in a good way
so i take the note and tear it into as many pieces as i can
and i take apart the roses
as i was took apart 10 years ago
The petals placed in nature as they should be !
why do men feel that things can be forgiven with a simple "i'm sorry"?
i have never understood this
then the woman is the one left feeling alone and stuck in a place of confusion
but i refuse this time
so i say to myself
Have you ever held on to a secret ?
i mean a secret that you kept all to yourself?
i have done this and it is about to bite me in the bud
all i can do is cry right now
i thought i had got past it until this morning reared its head
i want to run
i want to scream
i want to run in front of a moving car and see if i am truly lucky right now
because i don't feel lucky at all right now
and maybe it is for the best
i don't think i can face it
the reason for the secret:
if i ever told anyone ...i was in fear of how others would look at me
in fear of someone getting in trouble
in fear of some one getting killed
i was no longer the good girl because i knew better
but it wasn't my fault
i swear it wasn't my fault
so why is my head hung down like i am about to face the electric chair
have you ever had a thought that came to you and had you in a daze...
not knowing where the thought came from
like someone threw it in your brain
and to think about it literally makes you insane
and then a taste comes to your mouth ..
like something you ate when you were a little kid
and you can't think of the name of what it was
but you try to suck on your tongue to get it once more but it never returns
have you ever looked hard enough to see a man standing in your hall but when you turn around there is no one around
and then you get paranoid
because you can swear someone was just watching you as you were putting on your clothes...or typing on the computer
Ever have one of those feelings that someone is in need of you..and you need them too
but you have no clue who it is
but can feel the longing in your heart as your heart skips tiny beats
and your chest gets a little tight
yet no matter how you need them and they need you
in doubt that it will never happen
ever feel like you just don't belong here
ever wake up in the middle of the night with nothing on your mind
wanting someone to tell you everything is going to be ok
and you swear you can hear the whisper of a voice that sings you to sleep
have you ever wanted something so badly
that crying doesn't help anymore
so you lie in your bed
not wanting to see the sun shine because the morning leads to a lonely sunset into a heart breaking midnight ??
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