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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Poetry of the Page and Stage > > To love and lose
To love and lose
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l-tee Knows how to edit


Joined: Feb 26, 2008 Posts: 77 Credits: 0 Location: joburg

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Posted: Tue Apr 1 13:07:32 EDT 2008 Post subject: To love and lose |
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[I went thru an emotional time writing this, but the person it's about is goin thru more.
Cant wait for ur comments.]
They say “Everything happens for a reason”
To this, my heart convicts me like I’ve committed treason;
But I guess I understand why it acts as such
I caused it to lose what it loved so much.
I look back and smile,
Every time I think about how we met;
It was like we knew each other way before that,
We complimented each other in every department;
I had my type in abundance and in every assortment,
But I fell for you because you were different.
I made you laugh, I made you smile
You made me feel love for the first time;
You were my Queen, I was your King
We shared some magical times,
Together, forever was the mission in life.
Worked out for a few years but we grew apart
We took some strain, a lot of pain and we had to break-up,
I look back, at some stage were inseparable to part.
Much can be said of what went wrong
Who wronged who, who lied to whom,
Who cheated on whom and on and on?
But that doesn’t save me from the guilt trip I’m on,
That I had something to do with us not getting along
The last stanza might give me away,
Thinking about it, this whole poem has anyway.
If I could I would but something tells me I shouldn’t,
I have a feeling that to you this exercise is pointless,
That you moved on to a life that is far more painless.
I shouldn’t do this to you but you must understand,
That to have loved and lost you is making me sad,
With that being said,
I’m glad you now know where I stand.
[END]
_________________ I was doin this ish, while u were ishin in pampers.... |
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mamta Been here longer than 3 servers ago.



Joined: Jul 07, 2006 Posts: 5742 Credits: 467

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Posted: Thu Apr 3 0:48:38 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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| l-tee wrote: |
[I went thru an emotional time writing this, but the person it's about is goin thru more.
Cant wait for ur comments.]
They say “Everything happens for a reason”
To this, my heart convicts me like I’ve committed treason;
But I guess I understand why it acts as such
I caused it to lose what it loved so much.
I look back and smile,
Every time I think about how we met;
It was like we knew each other way before that,
We complimented each other in every department;
I had my type in abundance and in every assortment,
But I fell for you because you were different.
I made you laugh, I made you smile
You made me feel love for the first time;
You were my Queen, I was your King
We shared some magical times,
Together, forever was the mission in life.
Worked out for a few years but we grew apart
We took some strain, a lot of pain and we had to break-up,
I look back, at some stage were inseparable to part.
Much can be said of what went wrong
Who wronged who, who lied to whom,
Who cheated on whom and on and on?
But that doesn’t save me from the guilt trip I’m on,
That I had something to do with us not getting along
The last stanza might give me away,
Thinking about it, this whole poem has anyway.
If I could I would but something tells me I shouldn’t,
I have a feeling that to you this exercise is pointless,
That you moved on to a life that is far more painless.
I shouldn’t do this to you but you must understand,
That to have loved and lost you is making me sad,
With that being said,
I’m glad you now know where I stand.
[END]
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i thought the first stanza would be better if used as the ending one
The last stanza might give me away,
Thinking about it, this whole poem has anyway.
If I could I would but something tells me I shouldn’t,
I have a feeling that to you this exercise is pointless,
That you moved on to a life that is far more painless.
i thought here the first three lines could be removed and the other two lines could be used to begin the following stanza.
just a thought 
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l-tee Knows how to edit


Joined: Feb 26, 2008 Posts: 77 Credits: 0 Location: joburg

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Posted: Thu Apr 3 9:20:51 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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On the last stanza, i guess it would work. But given the hint i was giving to the subject, i had to "force" them in there just for her to know I'm sincere.
On the first one, starting the poem with:
I look back and smile,
Every time I think about how we met;
It was like we knew each other way before that,
We complimented each other in every department;
I had my type in abundance and in every assortment,
But I fell for you because you were different.
Its as if i've given up looking at the past in haze, or that i jus ackowledge it for the sake of starting the relationship with her in the first place. so the reason why i started with that one is because it better illustrates the effect of the past in my present disposition.
Great critique, it does seem difigured if the reader isnt in my situation but that's the whole point.
Thanx a stack MAM....
_________________ I was doin this ish, while u were ishin in pampers.... |
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mamta Been here longer than 3 servers ago.



Joined: Jul 07, 2006 Posts: 5742 Credits: 467

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Posted: Thu Apr 3 11:16:07 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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i understand what you mean. and it makes more sense to me now!
_________________ i am not a poet, trying to be one here... |
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l-tee Knows how to edit


Joined: Feb 26, 2008 Posts: 77 Credits: 0 Location: joburg

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Posted: Fri Apr 4 7:37:35 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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sweet, so where u at in the desert anyway???
_________________ I was doin this ish, while u were ishin in pampers.... |
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mamta Been here longer than 3 servers ago.



Joined: Jul 07, 2006 Posts: 5742 Credits: 467

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Posted: Sun Apr 6 8:20:44 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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abudhabi, u.a.e
_________________ i am not a poet, trying to be one here... |
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l-tee Knows how to edit


Joined: Feb 26, 2008 Posts: 77 Credits: 0 Location: joburg

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Posted: Tue Apr 8 7:19:27 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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okay, how life in the desert? do u get sandstorms and ish? but i hear its a top notch city, is it?
_________________ I was doin this ish, while u were ishin in pampers.... |
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golden Knows how to edit


Joined: Sep 16, 2008 Posts: 119 Credits: 26 Location: South Texas

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Posted: Sun Sep 28 4:49:56 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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I tee, hello boo, I commend you for talking about your relationship. I realize we all f up... I did you wrong, You did me wrong, Ill take you back, you take me back, some times it's time to move on and some times you've fucked up too much to get it right. But................love comes to thoughs who believe it, and if you love her forgive her and yourself and let love jerk you by the chain again, because it is worth it. As far as the poem gose, it seems like you were kinda releasing and that was the point, maybe the break up had just happen, try to rewrite now that your not crying through the whole thing and you might be able to spice it up, give it more rhyme and pain, let the pain out. alright baby take care
_________________ LOVE IS EVERYTHING!!!! |
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golden Knows how to edit


Joined: Sep 16, 2008 Posts: 119 Credits: 26 Location: South Texas

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Posted: Sun Sep 28 4:51:15 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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the first stanza is perfect to open the poem with. tissue any one
_________________ LOVE IS EVERYTHING!!!! |
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damemas Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Oct 03, 2008 Posts: 22 Credits: 2 Location: Irving

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Posted: Wed Oct 29 13:25:36 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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I really felt your words and how they were delivered! I mean, really i did. Thank you for taking the time and presenting it w/ such courage!
_________________ What u Give me Is what u Shall receive In return |
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Dead_Slam_Poet Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Apr 19, 2009 Posts: 27 Credits: 0 Location: Elysium

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Posted: Tue Apr 21 19:43:27 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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i love this poem. it kind explain your love life a little. great job
_________________ [I want a love as unexplainable as she is]
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"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee."
Shakespeare |
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ddkwenda Knows how to edit


Joined: Apr 30, 2008 Posts: 95 Credits: 0 Location: Harare, Zimbabwe, Africa

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Posted: Fri Apr 24 2:30:13 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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It needs the element which makes it less ordinary and more significant coz love is spoken of so often that subject are repeated but only the heartfelt and well spoken, become significant!
_________________ Sinyoro |
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zachattack I might even come back next week!


Joined: Apr 18, 2009 Posts: 15 Credits: 0

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Posted: Wed May 27 23:56:49 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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Great poem, something I can relate to!
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Deleted_User_8632 Banned


Joined: Jul 21, 2009 Posts: 150 Credits: 10

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Posted: Tue Nov 3 11:58:52 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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I loved the first stanza!!!! I had to say it. Its beautiful.
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Anticipating Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Feb 05, 2010 Posts: 40 Credits: 1 Location: Somewhere

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Posted: Sat Feb 6 18:55:27 EST 2010 Post subject: Re: To love and lose |
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Wow this poem read more like a kinda hip-hop T.I. kinda song, I'd love to hear it with some music to it it really has the potential to go faar, I think..I was a little bit put off by some of the rhymes like the repetition of "on" but in the end the entire message made those little things feel very...little...a really awesome piece
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