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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Mon Mar 24 21:48:45 EDT 2008 Post subject: justice |
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I’d like to punch a pacifist
and see if he’s for real
And ruin a subjectivist
then ask him how he feels
I’d like to rob a socialist
and give away the loot
And beat to death a communist
with his left hobnail boot
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Treagal And for a moment, it was like joy was


   
Joined: Feb 04, 2008 Posts: 1942 Credits: 182

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Posted: Mon Mar 24 22:00:48 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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Are you calling communist' thick headed? my my sir good good.
Best poem I've read by you to date, good write!
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Mon Mar 24 22:31:17 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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| Treagal wrote: |
| Are you calling communist' thick headed? |
Oh, I have called them much worse...
Thanks for your great comment!
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jh89 "I am RAREFIED!!!"


 
Joined: Jan 19, 2008 Posts: 1550 Credits: 105 Location: Colorful Colorado

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Posted: Tue Mar 25 8:54:47 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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Fucking sweet! Socialism IS THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL in world wide politics. For all those who vote for Prime Ministers, you only get to vote for them when they are popular enough to get reelected or smart enough to step down before they are forced to do so. How many taxes do you really pay for " universal healthcare ", please be honest and really consider that next time you look at a pay stub. Communism fails when it leaves the paper where it look s so noble. Great write foggy.
_________________ " I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. "
Thomas Jefferson |
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Tue Mar 25 12:47:46 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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Thanks jh. I have always maintained that socialism is immoral and illogical because it rewards sloth and punishes diligence.
Communism? It has simply caused more death, misery, destruction, and unrest than anything else in world history.
Pacifists and subjectivists are their enablers.
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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GrannyDeepSea Likes the forums


Joined: Dec 18, 2007 Posts: 398 Credits: 7 Location: San Diego

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Posted: Tue Mar 25 17:36:51 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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| fogglethorpe wrote: |
I’d like to punch a pacifist
and see if he’s for real
And ruin a subjectivist
then ask him how he feels
I’d like to rob a socialist
and give away the loot
And beat to death a communist
with his left hobnail boot |
all the 'good Christians' got slaughtered this way, right? thier angry relatives picked up swords and became killers!?? great write!
_________________ "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro!" Hunter S. Thompson (thanks Gonzo_lives - i stole it off a button - never would have known who hst is) |
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Wed Mar 26 10:24:40 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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| GrannyDeepSea wrote: |
all the 'good Christians' got slaughtered this way, right? thier angry relatives picked up swords and became killers!?? great write! |
Granny, I'm not sure I understand your comment...perhaps you could clarify?
Thanks for your time.
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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Deleted_User_5058 I have posted over 2800 times!


Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 2838 Credits: 331

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Posted: Wed Mar 26 10:53:35 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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It is so short, and yet so powerful. I think the first stanza is completely perfect. The justice has a "punishment fit the crime" concept for me which carries until the end. I am left feeling that the last line took a sharp turn there. It has impact, but I think it strays somewhat. Is that intentional?
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Wed Mar 26 11:13:23 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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| Rio wrote: |
| It is so short, and yet so powerful. I think the first stanza is completely perfect. The justice has a "punishment fit the crime" concept for me which carries until the end. I am left feeling that the last line took a sharp turn there. It has impact, but I think it strays somewhat. Is that intentional? |
I was going to call this "poetic justice" but I just can't stomach referring to poetry in a poem.
The last line is written the way it is intentionally. Hobnail boots are a big symbol of communist oppression, of course...but I decided to make it the left one only because it was meant to mock extreme left wing ideology.
Does it throw the rhythm off the way it's written?
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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Simple Conversationalist


Joined: Nov 28, 2007 Posts: 55 Credits: 0 Location: Tennessee

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Posted: Wed Mar 26 11:15:54 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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I love the punch a pacifist line. It's the first time i ever really thought about what the reaction would be and I'd bet they would punch back. Human nature tends to outweigh idealism. Good write.
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Deleted_User_5058 I have posted over 2800 times!


Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 2838 Credits: 331

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Posted: Wed Mar 26 11:30:40 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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It absolutely does not throw the rhythm off. And the meaning behind the word "left" is easily picked up. I simply wanted to check the deliberateness of the turn. It makes for the meaning of the poem- so that it is about your view of communism more than anything else. I can't imagine anything which needs to be altered here.
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Wed Mar 26 12:00:07 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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Simple...thank you.
Rio...Thanks for your observations.
I also hoped to challenge the reader to ask if those in the first stanza (the passive and the moral relativists/anarchists) are just as culpable for the evil in the world as those in the second stanza..
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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Deleted_User_5058 I have posted over 2800 times!


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Posted: Wed Mar 26 12:04:46 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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But the reaction to the socialist is still not as aggressive as to the communist. The turn is at the end, not with the stanza break, if we are speaking about the inflicted justice and not categorizing the philosophies.
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Wed Mar 26 12:14:33 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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I consider communism the ultimate evil, which is why it is written last and recieves the most violent reaction.
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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Huberjack Told love the world was on fire


             
Joined: Aug 16, 2007 Posts: 2415 Credits: 455 Location: Denver, CO

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Posted: Wed Mar 26 13:02:16 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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I think you could have a great political piece if you would consider adding more stanzas. I can see this as a longer, pointed diatribe with legs. Being so short, it's difficult to end with something profound.
JMHO,
_________________ Jack Huber
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. --Robert Frost (1874-1963) |
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Thu Mar 27 9:43:58 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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| Huberjack wrote: |
I think you could have a great political piece if you would consider adding more stanzas. I can see this as a longer, pointed diatribe with legs. Being so short, it's difficult to end with something profound.
JMHO, |
Jack,
I have actually been thinking about that. I jotted this piece down in about five minutes and never reworked it. I will probably sit down and see if I can add anything compatible with the first two stanzas.
Thanks for your comment.
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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carnyspook Knows what a simile is


Joined: Jan 02, 2008 Posts: 245 Credits: 15 Location: eugene

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Posted: Thu Mar 27 11:59:46 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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good piece fogglethorpe. one thing I think they all have in common though is, they all have their own agenda. and it is usually themselves. leave out the common, hardworking, backbone of any civilization, and what will they have. NOTHING. please do work on an extended version.
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fogglethorpe Who knew we would get this far?


                 
Joined: Jan 15, 2008 Posts: 6182 Credits: 546 Location: Sonoran Desert
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Posted: Thu Mar 27 12:09:08 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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| carnyspook wrote: |
| good piece fogglethorpe. one thing I think they all have in common though is, they all have their own agenda. and it is usually themselves. leave out the common, hardworking, backbone of any civilization, and what will they have. NOTHING. please do work on an extended version. |
Thanks. I will see what I can come up with.
_________________ "What the hell is this? For cryin' out loud, somebody throw a pie!" - Peter Griffin |
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Hisoka4me Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Mar 23, 2008 Posts: 47 Credits: 0 Location: Chicago

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Posted: Thu Apr 3 17:25:15 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: justice |
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I really like this poem fogglethorpe. Its short but it still gets to the point and It comes across perfectly. I wish I could write succinctly and as intelligently as you do.
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