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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a Poem > > Most Days
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Most Days


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graphitegirl
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24 10:36:34 EDT 2008    Post subject: Most Days Reply with quote

Edited version

Most days he shovels quickly
moving velvety brown heaps
back into the earth’s womb.
It makes a benign sound
like cat's paws landing at dusk.
He whistles a tune that has
no beginning and an ending
that fades far below to rest.
He will never know the name
of the lifetime of regrets and hopes
that disappears covered in dirt.
He can only say, he buries no souls.
His lean arms plow through the task
as he wipes his brow without notice,
some days he wipes his eyes.


Most days he shovels quickly
moving velvety brown heaps
back into the earth’s womb.
Most days he ignores muffled sounds
of dirt landing like cat's paws.
Most days he whistles loudly
a tune that has no beginning
no end
the name buried along
with other forgotten bones.
He doesn’t want to think about
who they were,
he thinks about digging.
He whistles high over lifetimes
and the dirt covers
regrets and hopes,
clumps of passion and joy
and handfuls of heart
settle into permanent darkness.
He whistles and his lean arms plow.
Most days when finished,
he wipes his brow without notice.
Some days he wipes his eyes.


in the first stanza should it be on cat feet or like cat feet..also any other insights would be helpful..thanks

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Last edited by graphitegirl on Thu Jul 31 19:17:41 EDT 2008; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24 10:45:22 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

I really like this poem....I thought I knew what it was talking about but I'll have to admit that the line about "landing on cat feet" kinda through me off. I definitely think it should be "like cat feet" or "like cat's feet". Unless, of course, I am completely off and you are actually talking about burying a dead cat. Shocked LOL

You might try "cat's paws", too.
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graphitegirl
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24 10:51:11 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

Il like it. the like that is.. like cat's paws..Smile

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MidnightPoet
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24 17:52:35 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

Yeah the like is important, I was thinking the dirt was landing on a cats foot or something. Anyway, great topic though GG. I have not read anything like this before. Enjoyed it a lot.

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graphitegirl
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24 20:16:23 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

MidnightPoet wrote:
Yeah the like is important, I was thinking the dirt was landing on a cats foot or something. Anyway, great topic though GG. I have not read anything like this before. Enjoyed it a lot.

Awesome! I'm hitting my "that was easy" button. It now reads Like

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24 22:13:45 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

I like this! very few graves are dug by hand..which makes this really special ..my feel is this..a man honored, to be the one who digs. Tears are for those he knew, clumps of dirt always land on their feet..maybe the cats paws reference could pertain to his own brushes with death..meaning he still lands on his feet, like a cats paws?..just a thought

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anna9
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25 10:06:46 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

and a cats paws also hints something else though rather far fetched , a cat has nine lives , so he is kind of burying several while time is testing his .....
and the dirt too is landing softly like the paws of a cat , I see that to mean that the dead creeps softly, and blah blah blah .
hugs

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28 23:03:03 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

Just playing around with this...

Days lost moving
velvet brown heaps
to rest in earthen womb
ignoring muffled sounds
dirt landing catlike
paws on hard ground
as he whistles a tune
loud, no beginning or end
and the name,
what’s in a name?
he gives no consideration
they’re dead after all
laying blankets of dirt
on souls resting
on their regrets, passion
heartfelt joy,
peering into an eternal abyss
even as he whistles
sweaty arms glistening
‘til the work is done
and he wipes his brow
losing yet another day.
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graphitegirl
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29 23:13:52 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

I definitely like what you wrote. It comes at if from another angle more personal I think. It's like a totally different poem. It would be fun to do a slam. Where we write similiar poems. I think you should post this one. . Its also not a ryhming poem which you write most of the time. How did that feel for you?

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 30 4:28:33 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

I can write free verse, as you can tell with this poem. I just enjoy the challenge of my brain connecting words at the end of stanzas and couplets...it's a mathematical right brain exercise, I think.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 30 8:03:33 EDT 2008    Post subject: Re: Most Days Reply with quote

This is quite an interesting piece, although the repetition of key words doesn't really work for me (Most days / he whistles). It seems like you might say something more interesting instead.
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