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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Small Poems > > Direction towards you
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Direction towards you


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Ozymandias
Told love the world was on fire


Told love the world was on fire
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29 17:54:24 EST 2012    Post subject: Direction towards you Reply with quote

Hot summer days:
driving home
across the Western Plain

chasing the gold
of countless sunsets
in vain

memories of you
crashing through my windscreen
again and again

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electrictiger
Told love the world was on fire


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 29 18:10:29 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

The last stanza is especially powerful, and a really great image.

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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 7 19:19:07 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

seems no matter how hard we try, those sunsets are always out of reach...nicely penned, Rory. and i agree with the cat, the last stanza is incredible.
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Ozymandias
Told love the world was on fire


Told love the world was on fire
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 7 19:23:23 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

wordsmithwannabe wrote:
seems no matter how hard we try, those sunsets are always out of reach...nicely penned, Rory. and i agree with the cat, the last stanza is incredible.

Thanks Chris. The last stanza is clearly the best - makes me wonder whether I should try to do something with S1 and S2. In S1, "driving home" is rather weak, I might look for some improvement there.

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- Mark Twain
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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
Poet of the Month/April 2010Blog Picks for April 2010Poem of the Month/April 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Blog Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Judge - Quartely Poetry ContestEat Chicken!Winner-haiku contest - September 2010Blog Picks/ November 2010Staff Picks/January 2011Blog Picks/September 2011Staff Picks/October 2011Staff Picks/March 2012Blog Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/October 2012


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 7 19:26:43 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

hmm, i don't see it as weak at all. it sets the tone for the rest of the poem. as i read it, the narrator is heading home, to the "you" of the title and final stanza. the concept of "home=you" can be a very romantic and powerful thing...
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Ozymandias
Told love the world was on fire


Told love the world was on fire
Staff Picks/June 2009Staff Picks - June 2009Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/August 2010Staff Picks/September/ 2010Staff Picks/December 2010Judge - holiday poetry contestStaff Picks/January 2011Staff Picks/March 2011gotpoetry curator


Joined: Apr 09, 2009
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Location: Near Melbourne, Australia

PostPosted: Wed Mar 7 19:34:54 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

wordsmithwannabe wrote:
hmm, i don't see it as weak at all. it sets the tone for the rest of the poem. as i read it, the narrator is heading home, to the "you" of the title and final stanza. the concept of "home=you" can be a very romantic and powerful thing...

Not quite as I meant it - the narrator (in my imagination) is heading home, but the "you" is a "you" of memories by which he is beset, hence the last stanza "memories of you".

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- Mark Twain
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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
Poet of the Month/April 2010Blog Picks for April 2010Poem of the Month/April 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Blog Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Judge - Quartely Poetry ContestEat Chicken!Winner-haiku contest - September 2010Blog Picks/ November 2010Staff Picks/January 2011Blog Picks/September 2011Staff Picks/October 2011Staff Picks/March 2012Blog Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/October 2012


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 7 19:37:44 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

ahhh i see, my apologies for missing that point. i need better reading glasses. or a fresher brain.

at any rate, i still think the part that you question fits nicely with the rest of the poem. just my two cents Wink
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Ozymandias
Told love the world was on fire


Told love the world was on fire
Staff Picks/June 2009Staff Picks - June 2009Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/August 2010Staff Picks/September/ 2010Staff Picks/December 2010Judge - holiday poetry contestStaff Picks/January 2011Staff Picks/March 2011gotpoetry curator


Joined: Apr 09, 2009
Posts: 2409
Credits: 239
Location: Near Melbourne, Australia

PostPosted: Thu Mar 8 18:10:27 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Direction towards you Reply with quote

OK, I think I will post it now. I think I will change L2 to "driving through distance". Also I am going to change the title to "Directionless" (yes I know it's a bit of an about face). Thanks for the comments!

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- Mark Twain
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