.

tools sharpen skewer
sheds shudder always fewer
doors battering battened buttresses
unhinged creaking wailing
like deserted arms swinging
in isolation flailing

but life slips inn
mangers
cradled swaddled sin
as gaps
crawl
along floors draped in skin

electric oceans

weave and break
new dawns
slipup sliding
on beaches wakes..
foamed in froths fouled truths slaked
swallowed jowls
while sallow eyes ache
as whipless fingers dip in
to forsake

.

I commented on this in the finished section already. I mentioned how original the images and use of language are.

One thing I like and respect about your work is that it challenges me. I can't just read it once and make an assessment..I have to look at individual phrases, at puns, at the liberties you take with language. And I have learned not to work too hard trying to understand it literally. Instead, I let the whole body of it speak moods and ideas.

You are an original, that's for sure (and I mean that as a compliment).

foggs (i recall you saying somewhere you hate the name hugh?) - this reply (and i dont mean to sound like j-lo) sincerely gives me goosies. it compares to another comment you made some time back, comparing something i wrote to evil knievel breaking and discarding all the rules yet landing his effort faultlessly.

i am far more used to way more dismissive and indeed combative responses to my work. and by work i mean passion. you have come to a point to where exactly the place is to be, if you're interested in reading me.
recently rory too as engaged me with great graciousness in exchanging comments about how and what i do.

if i ever escape from my self-inflected paralysis of procrastination and complete a 'performance' cd, id be more than happy to send you a copy.

thank you.

Thank you.

I think it takes a little time and some repeated readings to warm up to your style. That's not a bad thing. If a reader is willing to invest, it becomes worth it.

thank you foggs. indeed such a truism of so many facets of life on this planet of blue.

damn that cliche, no pain - no gain.

thing is, cliches become such for being more often true than not, i suppose.

im currently encouraging my partner/wife to read dickens's 'hard times' and i keep assuring her, there will be a pay back! lol

Dickens is an investment, to be sure. But at least his prose is not florid..it's just the sheer length and detail that's demanding. But I agree it's worth it.

wylde wrote:

foggs (i recall you saying somewhere you hate the name hugh?) - this reply (and i dont mean to sound like j-lo) sincerely gives me goosies. it compares to another comment you made some time back, comparing something i wrote to evil knievel breaking and discarding all the rules yet landing his effort faultlessly. i am far more used to way more dismissive and indeed combative responses to my work. and by work i mean passion. you have come to a point to where exactly the place is to be, if you're interested in reading me. recently rory too as engaged me with great graciousness in exchanging comments about how and what i do. if i ever escape from my self-inflected paralysis of procrastination and complete a 'performance' cd, id be more than happy to send you a copy. thank you.

please sign me up for your future vocal edition

judih - you remain #1 on that list.


luvnhugz. 'n keep safe.

OK, I am going to stick my neck out ready to have it chopped off for possibly missing the whole point of this poem, but here goes anyway -

S1 conveys to me a sense of violence and disarray which is summed up in that word "unhinged".

S2 has a creepy sense of foreboding to it...

After that, I wonder why the word "electric" is included, seems out of place to me; also why there is a gap between that line and the next.

I might have thought that we have 3 separate poems here, there is a bit of a disconnect for me between the 3 parts, but perhaps I am missing something, it would not be the first time!

Is this poem meant to be read aloud or on the page? If it's to be read aloud, then I wonder what is the point of putting "inn" rather than "in" in S2L1 - the listener won't pick up the distinction.

Feel free to tell me if I have made an idiot of myself!

rory - humble apologies. a short quick note. i deeply appreciate your input. i am on the hop & out of town - mostly off-line until ealier next week when i will revert.

you know well you are far off from being an idiot!

many thanks.

Ozymandias wrote:

OK, I am going to stick my neck out ready to have it chopped off for possibly missing the whole point of this poem, but here goes anyway -

rory your neck is more than well respected.and safe!

Ozymandias wrote:

S1 conveys to me a sense of violence and disarray which is summed up in that word "unhinged". S2 has a creepy sense of foreboding to it...

so far so good then?

Ozymandias wrote:

After that, I wonder why the word "electric" is included, seems out of place to me; also why there is a gap between that line and the next.

its "electric oceans" - meant to convey a (conductive?) orchestrated connectivity between the first two stanzas and the last. for exactly that reason. and is the link in the chain separate.

Ozymandias wrote:

I might have thought that we have 3 separate poems here, there is a bit of a disconnect for me between the 3 parts, but perhaps I am missing something, it would not be the first time!

rory i think you already put your finger on it, and exactly why it is dressed up in the way it is. electric oceans simply being a conduit to all the forms of being....

Ozymandias wrote:

Is this poem meant to be read aloud or on the page? If it's to be read aloud, then I wonder what is the point of putting "inn" rather than "in" in S2L1 - the listener won't pick up the distinction.

rory as i very often play with homonyms and onomatopoeia i nearly always intend that the reader reads the poem ‘aloud' - at least in their head - to be allowed (sic) to drawn deeper in by the metaphors and imagery and whatever devices are being used to convey the piece.

this particular part "inn" plays with the imagery of no place at the "inn" followed by "mangers" and "swaddled" as well as oh well, drop into the lonely ‘holiday inn'....with a bit of twisted mirth...

Ozymandias wrote:

Feel free to tell me if I have made an idiot of myself!

not at all. so sorry life has interfered for so long so as to delay responding!

I truly appreciate your input/questions. and presence.

OK, well thanks for these explanations, it helps me see more in the poem than I did at first!

By the way, I should have mentioned, I really appreciate the sound of this poem.

music to my ears.


thank you.