Greatness, said the Buddha

gailw

in looking forward to one's death
It is necessary
to live a good life
as a life well lived
brings a good death.

In all of one's moments
carry this in mind.
and when one masters this
a person achieves greatness.

fogglethorpe

Gail..I like the idea, and agree with it. But since it is a Buddhist theme, I would like to see the minimalist style usually associated with it.

There is a pure idea here, and it is surrounded by redundant lines. You could strip it down, and end up with something like:

a life well lived
brings a good death;
when one masters this
he achieves greatness

gailw

That's it! I felt that this was more of a staatement poem that had something good but did not move.n I will also have to alter the idea just a bit, to make the thing more buddhisty.

gailw

.a life well lived
brings a good death;
in mastering this
one treads the right path

fogglethorpe

Yes..that's perfect.

butterflyzrfree

How about this?

It is important to look forward to your death.
It is important to tread the right path.
Only a life well lived, will bring a good death.