I watch brilliant blood freckle the porcelain
Perfect crimson oceans
And feel my wrist, raw and red
Throb with my pulse
A feeling of pain
Realizing that the fiery splotches are
The only beautiful thing I ever created
Suicide is the ultimate moral victory
Triumph of the perfect inner self
Against sinful, human flesh
I take another slice, think of my life in past tense
And wait for my masterpiece to complete itself
Death leaves us in awkward places
And when they find me
I’ll probably be an ugly, torn shell
Cold blade hacks into flesh
I want to cut it all until only the small
Remnants of my heart remain
A trophy of a life wasted
You know you’re ready for it once the deed is done
And minutes pass into nothing
Slow, still, end.
I’m going home, a place before birth.

Beautifully chilling.

Quote:

Cold blade hacks into flesh I want to cut it all until only the small Remnants of my heart remain

I think that this part was the most impactful for me. Good writing.

[quote="BenBrownlow"]I watch brilliant blood freckle the porcelain
Perfect crimson oceans
And feel my wrist, raw and red
Throb with my pulse
A feeling of pain
Realizing that the fiery splotches are
The only beautiful thing I ever created
Suicide is the ultimate moral victory
Triumph of the perfect inner self
Against sinful, human flesh
I take another slice,
think of my life in past tense
And wait for my masterpiece to complete itself
Death leaves us in awkward places
And when they find me
I’ll probably be an ugly, torn shell
Cold blade hacks into flesh
I want to cut it all until only the small
Remnants of my heart remain
A trophy of a life wasted
You know you’re ready for it once the deed is done
And minutes pass into nothing
Slow, still, end.
I’m going home, a place before birth.[/quote


i enjoyed this whole piece. the part i bolded was the part that really touched my senses and made me feel the poem. it was very sad but spoke so truthfully, and i really appreciate that. the ending was strong too, i really liked the idea of 'a place before birth'. you've brought tears to my eyes (that's a compliment).

I'm glad you had such a strong reaction to it, there are a lot of pitfalls in writing about this sorta stuff.

I think you're a good writer. I don't like this poem.

I have a longstanding personal dislike for poems that glamorize suicide, for all sorts of reasons; I am a bipolar sufferer myself and have several attempts under my own belt. In addition, our culture keeps reinforcing the idea that artists are sad, depressed, suicidal. I think it does this at least in part in order to make creative pursuits less attractive to people.

There are all kinds of reasons to commit suicide. Few of them are good reasons. Achieving peace is not one of them; neither is using your suicide as an artistic statement. Believe me, I've tried both of these angles; they suck.

You are entitled to your own opinion, but wanted to add a voice to the mix about how badly this poem disturbed me. That in no way is a crack at you or your art -- just wanted it out there again.

Back in the first run of my column Zero Point Zero, I addressed this in a couple of places...I will try to locate the link.

Tony, I appreciate your opinion, as always. This subject should definately be disturbing and not glamorous, and I guess that when I just throw it up here for everyone to interepret I'm playing a game where it might come across that way. As much as I try to leave interpretation to the reader, I should say right now that the angle of this wasn't one of glamour or creativity. I don't want to add to the depressed artist stereotype either, but I had this poem inside of me and needed it out. It's a touchy subject that's hard to approach and I did it my best in a way that's honest with myself. I hope it's not offensive, and I hope it doesn't cheapen anything you believe in. It's never my intention to write poems that make people feel bad. This isn't fiction, either. Delving personally here, this is an account of something that happened to me. I was youner and made the decision to kill myself for reasons we won't go into here. My previous few attempts had been more or less embarassing than anything else, because I really didn't want to go, so they were more or less half hearted. But finally, I had done it, and done it bad, and all the anxiety about what would happen left my body, along with my blood. As I neared unconsciousness, I had a strange moment of acceptance and ecstacy, and almost a triumphant feeling, which I tried to describe in this. It ended up that I was found and brought from the brink of dying in an ambulance. Ultimately I wanted to capture the strange comfort of death, not glorify suicide. I'm sorry if I didn't really achieve that.

Understood, and I've felt that myself. Believe me, I know.

But the thing is...you're still here, and the poem implies that you're not.

Keep going. Why are you still here? What do you think about it now? Do you miss that feeling? Did you try again?

Partial truth isn't truth. If you don't know an answer, say so; but recognize that something kept you here -- chance, a loved one, your own will to survive. Tell us that. You'll have a better poem in the end.

You've read my mind. My plan was to post the second part of this later today, depending on the response. I'll have it edited and up in a few hours. I'd appreciate your input on that as well. Good angle, and thanks for the help.

BenBrownlow wrote:

You've read my mind. My plan was to post the second part of this later today, depending on the response. I'll have it edited and up in a few hours. I'd appreciate your input on that as well. Good angle, and thanks for the help.

I look forward to seeing it.

And to let you know how I feel about it now OUTSIDE of a poem, I got a tattoo over the scars to keep my mind focused on life. I guess that's why I work with kids. I have a lot more hope now.

BenBrownlow wrote:

And to let you know how I feel about it now OUTSIDE of a poem, I got a tattoo over the scars to keep my mind focused on life. I guess that's why I work with kids. I have a lot more hope now.

Now see, dude, I'd put that INTO the poem.

that's awesome