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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a poem > > So What?
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So What?


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Lark
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Joined: Oct 08, 2005
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19 15:52:00 EST 2006    Post subject: So What? Reply with quote

So what? You know ... the whole cliché:
we're flotsam on life's beach today,
then, some tomorrow, get washed away -
whether we follow, lead or pray.

So what? The glass but rarely fills,
and anxious patter seldom stills,
while duties far outnumber thrills ...
reason some guzzle to the gills.

The greener heights are there to climb.
But wait! This ordinary time
with all its manna, muck and slime
could be remembered as the prime.

Lark Beltran
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hotstuff
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19 16:05:12 EST 2006    Post subject: Re: So What? Reply with quote

I especially liked this line Smile

while duties far outnumber thrills

Very nice Smile

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arpeggio
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19 23:27:09 EST 2006    Post subject: Re: So What? Reply with quote

This is a good example of succesful end rhymed couplets. (of which I am not normally a fan)

The subject matter was not inappropriate for end rhymes. In fact , the rhyme scheme enhanced your tale and made it more memorable.

The length was not excessive. (a little rhyme goes a long way)

It was an "instructive" type of poem. Like the kind used to teach people in days of yore.

It contains universal truth. regardless of our station, we're a flash in the pan. Contains some good imagery ("the glass rarely fills") and turns around into a simple sincere, uplifting reminder by the third and last stanza.

Ya did good Lark!

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Lark
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 20 16:05:48 EST 2006    Post subject: Re: So What? Reply with quote

Thanks, hotstuff and arpeggio!
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