Thank You

yannimo

A future great poet's death

can arise from contentment,

much like the one I found.

Not from the tip of a syringe

Dilations between my legs,

or chemical activity of intellectual stimulation.

But from your friendship

and this growth within.

Not a baby, but something close...

Bliss.

Thank you.

GrannyDeepSea

i ended up on this page and didn't now how i got here, or where i was and then i saw the title of this poem andi had to click on it...other than one misspelled word, syringe, it is perfect...i love it!...is this a place to write that? i'm going to go find myself now...lol

Bogeyman

I like this... seems like you've made the choice and you are happy with it... then why the first line? Possible regret? Maybe you should add "I've been told that a future..." in the beginning. This way you don't state it as your belief, and the whole poem makes better sense...

Smile

B.

yannimo

I've been told that

a future great poet's death can arise from contentment.

Well...the contentment I speak of

Was not found in the tip of a syringe

Dilations between my legs,

or chemical activity of intellectual stimulation.

But from your friendship

and this growth within.

Not a baby, but something close...

Bliss.

Thank you.

Bogeyman

See what you think about this re-write - I think it is less words, cleaner, clearer, same image you created, your words:

I've been told that
often a future great poet's death
comes from contentment,
much like the one I found
not in the tip if a syringe
dilations between my legs
or chemical activity of
intellectual stimulation,
but from your friendship
and this growth within.
Not a baby,
but something close...
Bliss.

Smile

B.

anna9

hi , Y ,
the first line seems way off to me , do you really need it in the poem ?can you just start the poem with "often ..."?
and
"Well...the contentment I speak of" ----> the "well ..", and " i speak of " do seem odd considering the tone of your poem.
can you revisit your poem thoughts and edit it again , please ?

yannimo

I changed it with your recommendations...tell me what you think!

zhaul

MUCHO BUENO SABOR!!!! Very, very good... thankilitous