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#1: Direction towards you Author: Ozymandias, Location: Near Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Feb 29 17:54:24 EST 2012
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Hot summer days:
driving home
across the Western Plain

chasing the gold
of countless sunsets
in vain

memories of you
crashing through my windscreen
again and again

#2: Re: Direction towards you Author: electrictiger, Location: Birmingham, Alabama

Posted: Wed Feb 29 18:10:29 EST 2012
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The last stanza is especially powerful, and a really great image.

#3: Re: Direction towards you Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA...

Posted: Wed Mar 7 19:19:07 EST 2012
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seems no matter how hard we try, those sunsets are always out of reach...nicely penned, Rory. and i agree with the cat, the last stanza is incredible.

#4: Re: Direction towards you Author: Ozymandias, Location: Near Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Mar 7 19:23:23 EST 2012
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wordsmithwannabe wrote:

seems no matter how hard we try, those sunsets are always out of reach...nicely penned, Rory. and i agree with the cat, the last stanza is incredible.

Thanks Chris. The last stanza is clearly the best - makes me wonder whether I should try to do something with S1 and S2. In S1, "driving home" is rather weak, I might look for some improvement there.

#5: Re: Direction towards you Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA...

Posted: Wed Mar 7 19:26:43 EST 2012
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hmm, i don't see it as weak at all. it sets the tone for the rest of the poem. as i read it, the narrator is heading home, to the "you" of the title and final stanza. the concept of "home=you" can be a very romantic and powerful thing...

#6: Re: Direction towards you Author: Ozymandias, Location: Near Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Mar 7 19:34:54 EST 2012
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wordsmithwannabe wrote:

hmm, i don't see it as weak at all. it sets the tone for the rest of the poem. as i read it, the narrator is heading home, to the "you" of the title and final stanza. the concept of "home=you" can be a very romantic and powerful thing...

Not quite as I meant it - the narrator (in my imagination) is heading home, but the "you" is a "you" of memories by which he is beset, hence the last stanza "memories of you".

#7: Re: Direction towards you Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA...

Posted: Wed Mar 7 19:37:44 EST 2012
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ahhh i see, my apologies for missing that point. i need better reading glasses. or a fresher brain.

at any rate, i still think the part that you question fits nicely with the rest of the poem. just my two cents Wink

#8: Re: Direction towards you Author: Ozymandias, Location: Near Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Mar 8 18:10:27 EST 2012
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OK, I think I will post it now. I think I will change L2 to "driving through distance". Also I am going to change the title to "Directionless" (yes I know it's a bit of an about face). Thanks for the comments!

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