1972
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#1: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Fri Apr 20 19:09:59 EDT 2012
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In 1972,
Nixon shook hands with Mao
and the world turned its back on Taiwan.

In 1972,
Ceylon changed its name to Sri Lanka,
Okinawa returned to Japan,
and Jane Fonda became Hanoi Jane.

In 1972,
twin Olympics were held,
hungry tigers on wooden skis dashing
down the white slopes of Sapporo,
while the streets of Munich ran red
with the blood of slain Israelis.

In 1972,
Elvis was still the king,
Elton wasn’t quite the queen
and Prince was still a quiet teen.

On September 21, 1972,
Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos
placed the country under martial law
and my immigrant grandmother wept for two reasons.
I was born that day.
#2: Re: 1972 Author: doris, Location: under a tree in the back yard PostPosted: Fri Apr 20 20:48:36 EDT 2012
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This is mysterious, or I should say the last stanza has mystery. The grandmother could be crying for any sort of reason.

I particularly liked the line about Prince (it sounds "right" to me).


I remember 1972. I remember watching the war while we ate dinner with our nanny in the kitchen when my parents would go out. I can't remember why exactly that year stood out, but it did.
#3: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Fri Apr 20 21:35:06 EDT 2012
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my grandmother left the Philippines in 1947, came to the States with my grandfather, an American G.I. she was a debutante from a wealthy family, educated and betrothed, and completely disowned when she revealed that she'd fallen in love with an American corporal of German descent. she never saw any of them again. i was her first male grandchild and she always said that the year 1972 filled with her such mixed emotion, my birth and the descent of her homeland into chaos...i guess i wanted to capture a little bit of that in this piece. thank you for commenting, doris.
#4: Re: 1972 Author: butterflyzrfree, Location: Miami,FL PostPosted: Sat Apr 21 3:51:12 EDT 2012
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To me this is a wonderful poem. Chris I found the entire write deeply moving. As you were just BORN you did not remember any of those things, but I did. The added significance and depth of each stanza laid weight unto the ending stanza. You grandmother perhaps cried, as you her darling first grandchild, was born on an inauspicious day.
Question: What is this: 'while the streets of Munich ran red
with the blood of slain Israelis.'
Were there really twin Olympics? I do not remember that. I do remember the terrorist acts that killed, I believe, eight Israelis. But do not remember twin Olympics.
Overall, I find it a wonderful poem, which holds together amazingly, and I love it.
#5: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Sat Apr 21 10:59:04 EDT 2012
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thanks Gaily. until 1992, both Winter and Summer Olympics were held in the same year; since that time, they alternate two years but still stay within their season. and while the games don't take place at the same time, obviously, i used the word "twin" to denote the closeness of the events, if that makes sense. thank you for the thoughtful comment.
#6: Re: 1972 Author: doris, Location: under a tree in the back yard PostPosted: Sat Apr 21 11:14:47 EDT 2012
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The two final lines of this piece don't flow the way that I would like. I wondering if switching them around would work better. Just a thought before heading out for a few days.

doris
#7: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Sat Apr 21 11:46:26 EDT 2012
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thank you doris, that is a great suggestion. i'll try it and see how it fits.
#8: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Sat Apr 21 11:49:10 EDT 2012
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slight edit:

In 1972,
Nixon shook hands with Mao
and the world turned its back on Taiwan.

In 1972,
Ceylon changed its name to Sri Lanka,
Okinawa returned to Japan,
and Jane Fonda became Hanoi Jane.

In 1972,
twin Olympics were held,
hungry tigers on wooden skis dashing
down the white slopes of Sapporo,
while the streets of Munich ran red
with the blood of slain Israelis.

In 1972,
Elvis was still the king,
Elton wasn’t quite the queen
and Prince was still a quiet teen.

On September 21, 1972,
Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos
placed the country under martial law.
I was born that day
and my immigrant grandmother wept for two reasons.
#9: Re: 1972 Author: doris, Location: under a tree in the back yard PostPosted: Thu Apr 26 11:16:52 EDT 2012
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I'm wondering if the last line would be better without the "and".
#10: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Thu Apr 26 11:44:08 EDT 2012
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thank you doris, i believe you are correct. i shall remove the "and."
#11: Re: 1972 Author: Ozymandias, Location: Near Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Apr 27 17:06:28 EDT 2012
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A few comments if I may Chris:

The word "and" occurs too often - something I'm often guilty of myself - and could be eliminated on each occasion, I believe, to the advantage of the poem.

I would split the last line into two, it's rather too long even without "and".

The reference to hungry tigers escapes me.

The more general issue I have with the poem is, many of the things you list are not an obvious reason for anybody to weep. Why are they included? For me, the poem needs to concentrate more on the reasons for your grandmother's distress rather than listing things some of which, I must say, are pretty trivial in the scheme of world history, just because they happened in 1972. Perhaps it should reveal that she was from the Philippines. Perhaps there should be more reference to what was happening there at the time. Much of it is America-referenced and this tends to detract from the message of the pervasive injustice and turmoil throughout the world at the time. It's strange, for example, that there is no reference to what was happening in Vietnam. You could also talk about Africa and Eastern Europe. There's no shortage of misery to draw on!

IMHO this is a good idea you have latched onto, to weave your grandmother's story and your own birth into the calamities of the world at the time, but it needs more power and strength which could come from a more universal perspective.

PS As part of that perspective, you might consider replacing "I" by "a child".

Hope you will see this as constructive criticism as it is intended to be, I do think there's a lot of potential in the poem!
#12: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Fri Apr 27 17:32:35 EDT 2012
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Hi Rory,

i always appreciate constructive criticism and am grateful for your honesty, it makes me want to be a better writer. thanks for the keen eye, i'll work on eliminating some of those "ands"

i did end up splitting the last line in two in the finished section, so thank you for picking up on that.

the hungry tiger reference is to the white tigers that were used as mascots in the games at Sapporo that year...

as for the weeping reference, i was trying to tell the reader of my grandmother's experience as a Philippine immigrant who came to the US from a country that was heading for turmoil.

the poem itself is just meant to be a quick snapshot of 1972, from my own perspective and things that my parents remembered happening around the time i was born, nothing more, nothing less. there are far too many events and angles to cover than i care to offer, and i don't really want to tell the story from a universal perspective, it that makes sense.

i wonder if for the last stanza, something like this would help clarify:

On September 21, 1972,
Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos
placed my grandmother's homeland under martial law.
I was born that day, the grandchild of a grieving immigrant;
she wept for two reasons.
#13: Re: 1972 Author: Ozymandias, Location: Near Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Apr 27 19:24:56 EDT 2012
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The revision of the last stanza helps set the scene better and explains the reference to your grandmother. I do tend to think, however, that L3 and L4 are too long.

I guess I was looking for a more ambitious poem, about how your grandmother's condition reflected the condition of the world. But if that isn't what you were aiming for, then I guess my comments are wide of the mark. The lower horizon, however, does leave it a bit unclear what the second reason for her weeping was. OK, one reason was because of Marcos. But what was the second? What I had thought was, she was weeping at the arrival of a child who must grow up in such an ugly world. But if you are not talking about the condition of the world overall, then this can't apply.
#14: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Fri Apr 27 21:18:08 EDT 2012
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i see what you're saying. i'll think on this and come back to it. thanks for the insight and in-depth view, it helps.
#15: Re: 1972 Author: Bercilak, Location: Wester Ross, Scotland PostPosted: Sat Apr 28 5:41:49 EDT 2012
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I really like this. There is a falling cadence to the last line that sounds like Bach. Very, very nice work.
#16: Re: 1972 Author: doris, Location: under a tree in the back yard PostPosted: Tue May 1 9:58:02 EDT 2012
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I like Ozymandias' comments but I think that he is wanting a different poem than is right here. For me this poem was a snapshot of 1972 with the final stanza the focal point. I agree that it is hard to get the grandmother thing. I do like

"On September 21, 1972,
Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos
placed my grandmother's homeland under martial law."

but find the rest of that edit a bit clumsy. It is important to get that final stanza just right. I might just keep it simple.

"...I was born that day
while my grandmother wept."


doris
#17: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Tue May 1 10:16:55 EDT 2012
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Bercilak wrote:
I really like this. There is a falling cadence to the last line that sounds like Bach. Very, very nice work.

thanks Pete, i appreciate that very much.
#18: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Tue May 1 10:17:53 EDT 2012
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doris wrote:
I like Ozymandias' comments but I think that he is wanting a different poem than is right here. For me this poem was a snapshot of 1972 with the final stanza the focal point. I agree that it is hard to get the grandmother thing. I do like

"On September 21, 1972,
Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos
placed my grandmother's homeland under martial law."

but find the rest of that edit a bit clumsy. It is important to get that final stanza just right. I might just keep it simple.

"...I was born that day
while my grandmother wept."


doris

i think you've nailed it. i like the simple approach, i think it works well. thank you for taking the time to digest this, i really truly appreciate the help.
#19: Re: 1972 Author: doris, Location: under a tree in the back yard PostPosted: Wed May 2 5:21:41 EDT 2012
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You're welcome. I suppose that I am fascinated by this break down of 1972 because my father was very political and I remember the front room being filled with smoke while he and his friends discussed in loud voices everything during the seventies. Exciting times. He was quite interested in Africa at the time and would "drag" our family over just to hear a speech. I say "drag" because I was far more interested in the food on the plane than in more adults yelling to the crowds and worrying if the bullets being shot skyward would come back to earth straight through my little head.

I was fascinated by Imelda Marcos and her shoe collection. I suppose that even with the loud talk in the living room I was pretty innocent.
#20: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Wed May 2 11:52:13 EDT 2012
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my parents are evangelical pacifists. my father was a conscientious objector during the war and went to Canada for awhile. he came back and married my mother in 1971 and i was born the next year. my mother's brother served in Vietnam, two tours. both he and my father were praised and vilified for their respective approaches to the war, and both men still bear scars from their experiences. neither one cares to discuss that time. my Filipino grandmother is also of Okinawan descent on her mother's side. i remember her saying that 1972 was one of the best and worst years of her life, for several reasons. i guess i just wanted to provide a snapshot of things from that year that were most familiar to me and my family, things that they spoke of that were indicative of the climate around the time i was born.
#21: Re: 1972 Author: Pujakins, Location: North Grafton MA PostPosted: Fri May 4 21:20:20 EDT 2012
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Interesting thread here to read. I too think the two reasons for weeping is confusing. The poem itself is very interestingly constructed. You can play with it endlessly at the end, and it will be interesting to see what you choose as the final version. The beginning part is fine, and I like the images very much. Thanks for this sharing. Hugs and Blessings, Tasha
#22: Re: 1972 Author: doris, Location: under a tree in the back yard PostPosted: Sun May 6 11:12:45 EDT 2012
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It be nice to see what you have decided to do with the ending posted here in this thread.
#23: Re: 1972 Author: wordsmithwannabe, Location: Somewhere between a rock, a hard place, and all points in between. Also known as Vancouver, WA... PostPosted: Sun May 6 13:00:53 EDT 2012
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here is how the poem appears in the finished section. i am most happiest with this edit and this is how it shall remain until i change my mind. which could be as early as an hour from now...haha:

www.gotpoetry.com/Poem...14686.html
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