|I really like this. There is a falling cadence to the last line that sounds like Bach. Very, very nice work.|
|I like Ozymandias' comments but I think that he is wanting a different poem than is right here. For me this poem was a snapshot of 1972 with the final stanza the focal point. I agree that it is hard to get the grandmother thing. I do like |
"On September 21, 1972,
Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos
placed my grandmother's homeland under martial law."
but find the rest of that edit a bit clumsy. It is important to get that final stanza just right. I might just keep it simple.
"...I was born that day
while my grandmother wept."
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