Thanks for the comments, Loisseau. I can see how the first two stanzas could stand alone and be done with it. But, like many others... the last stanza is the one that was my first inspiration... the COST of it all. The other two just explained how I got there. Might be why it sounds like an add on.
I tried to only cap the first word in each stanza because I'd been told I capped too much.
And I hate too much punctuation, expecially question marks. But, I'll go back and make it right and see how it looks.
I'm going to change S2, L5. I don't like it. This really IS the first attempt at a finished product for this poem. Until last night, it was just crossed out wordy phrases on a piece of paper.
Oh... and it was untitled. I picked what I did as a play on "neverending love." Any suggestions for a better one?
I did you wrong too many times,
gave you love, but not all.
I touched your hair but wasn't there.
When we kissed I knew you felt
the empty darkness of my heart.
You lay beside me open, willing to love.
The air grew stale, your lips grew pale
and tears were all I gave you.
I felt the pain of neither gain nor loss
as we went our separate ways.
Was it time or place or something on my mind,
or you or me or words without rhyme?
When was it spent, what did it cost?
Once beautiful and hot,
love forever lost.
And thank you, too, Bogeyman for your insight and comments.!