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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a poem > > LIGHT! (a work in progress)
LIGHT! (a work in progress)
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MyMadamePoetess
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 Posted: Sun Jan 24 20:25:53 EST 2010 Post subject: LIGHT! (a work in progress) |
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"LIGHT! LIGHT! BRING ON THE LIGHT!
Were it but softened to a dreary night.
The moon above in all it's age,
to bring forth beauty upon the stage!
LIGHT! Reflects within the silence,
parting ways through the madman's science.
He who holds so dear the knowledge,
the madman yet has to acknowledge.
Light, in all her ethereal beauty,
guides the sailors home from duty.
Who's blaze the sailors gaze upon,
to pull them through the red of dawn.
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fogglethorpe
Who knew we would get this far?
      
Joined: Jan 15, 2008
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Location: Sonoran Desert
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| Posted: Mon Jan 25 23:56:18 EST 2010 Post subject: Re: LIGHT! (a work in progress) |
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I like the classic vibe of this. One suggestion would be to tweak the meter so it keeps rhythm. Typo in L11.."who's" should be "whose".
I enjoyed reading it.
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Huberjack
Told love the world was on fire
  
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| Posted: Tue Jan 26 17:06:36 EST 2010 Post subject: Re: LIGHT! (a work in progress) |
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I echo Fog's comments. I can see this as a longer poem, perhaps to be performed.
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Jack Huber
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. --Robert Frost (1874-1963) |
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NoGoody
Galileo is laughing at you from on high
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| Posted: Tue Jan 26 17:18:54 EST 2010 Post subject: Re: LIGHT! (a work in progress) |
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Yep what the big dogs said. Good write.
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