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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Small Poems > > Nevermind
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Nevermind


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fogglethorpe
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 9 10:21:30 EST 2012    Post subject: Nevermind Reply with quote

This line was never written,
and this one, never read;
my tongue is soundly bitten,
and nothing has been said.

The point was never taken,
the case remains unpled;
My poem's been forsaken,
to die within my head.



Copyright © 2012 by Hugh Lemma- All rights reserved

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 10 6:18:42 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

hugh - truly crisp with lovely irony.

is "unpled" is a word? i couldnt find it on dictionary.com or oxford dictionary. i did however find on oxford:

pled (pled)
Pronunciation: /plɛd/North American, Scottish, or dialect past participle of plead

it wouldnt bother me too much, but i know you like things 'tight and right' as it were...the only suggestion for an alternative i can think of off the bat is 'dead' which could tie up nicely with 'die'.

but maybe im just being misguidedly anal. quite possible.


riteon.



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fogglethorpe
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 10 13:02:54 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

Hi wylde..

I was apprehensive about "unpled"..I like it phonetically, even though dictionary.com says "unpleaded" would be the proper word.

Thanks for pointing it out. I think I will consider an alternative and post an edit here.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13 12:42:18 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

Edit:

This line was never written,
and this one, never read;
my tongue was soundly bitten,
and nothing has been said.

The point was never taken,
the case was never pled;
this poem was forsaken,
and died within my head.

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LoSt
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15 17:48:36 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

So many of our poems seem to suffer such a fate

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 17 20:48:00 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

I really, really like this poem, Hugh. Smile

All your edits seem positive with the exception of S2, L3... it's missing a syllable but, more importantly, to me it's crying out for emphasis equal to S1, L3.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 17 22:02:10 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

I can't say that 'unpled' bothers me - if it isn't a word, it ought to be Smile

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21 15:20:36 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

LoSt..agreed. Or they sit unfinished in a box.

Maryann..are you considering "poem" to be one syllable? Otherwise, I count 3 1/2 iambic feet, which is the same as S1L3.

I will think about the emphasis comment, and see if an edit is in order. Thanks much.

ET..if Dr. Seuss could do it..

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23 14:45:44 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

Ummm... enunciation deficit disorder.
Thanks, Hugh - Cheers, Mary Ann

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24 12:37:38 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

Ha ha..I do it all the time. It's my East coast upbringing.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25 23:09:31 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Nevermind Reply with quote

I hope you don't mind me making a humble suggestion of meter change:



This line, never written,
this one, never read;
my tongue, soundly bitten,
and nothing is said.

The point, never taken,
the case never pled;
this poem's forsaken,
and dies in my head.

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