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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a Poem > > I Wish For Noah
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I Wish For Noah


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kortney_amos
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Joined: Feb 05, 2012
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Location: dallas

PostPosted: Tue Feb 7 17:18:31 EST 2012    Post subject: I Wish For Noah Reply with quote

If I were to wish on everyday
I would have 6570 wishes.
They would be for the same thing,
They would be for you.
Whoever you are,
I wish for you.
Whatever you want,
I wish for that too.
I don't know you, but I wish to
I wish to know you.
I wish to know who you are,
What you like to do.
Do you like reading like I do?
I wish to know your hopes and dreams.
One day I believe I will
I think your name will be Noah
That's what we will call you
The day that I meet you
Noah

From the poetry section, read the original here: Original Poem
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 7 23:26:33 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: I Wish For Noah Reply with quote

Hi kortney..welcome to GP.

I think the core of this poem is good. But there are a few redundant lines you could afford to lose. Lines 10 and 11, for example.

Hoping that helps.
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