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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Small Poems > > morning, January 1
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morning, January 1


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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 1 17:02:24 EST 2012    Post subject: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

The streets are quiet, finally.
Hopes and dreams litter the sidewalk
alongside beer bottles and party favors,
neglected clichés clinging to one another
as I sweep them all away.
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Ozymandias
Told love the world was on fire


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 2 20:32:05 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

A fine piece Chris. Just one question - What are party favors? It's a term I am not familiar with.

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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 2 22:21:45 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

thanks Rory. party favors are typically noisemakers or hats and such that are worn at parties or celebrations. they are also slang for certain drugs and the paraphernalia associated with them; also a slang term for condoms.

i live in a fairly nice neighborhood, but there are some questionables down the street who drifted up my way on New Year's Eve, hence the double meaning for the "party favors" reference...
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electrictiger
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 6 7:12:27 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

Oh, I like this a lot. It's just fine as is. I sort of like 'dreams' by itself without 'hopes', but only sort of. Excellent, and curiously sad.

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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 6 16:42:26 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

i tried it without the 'hopes' and it just didn't seem cliché enough hehe >.<
i think i'll leave it as is for now. also, rawr.
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10 3:16:47 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

That's a lot of sadness in a short piece... The last line was a very nice revelation of who the narrator is.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10 8:44:38 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

aches with sadness. clearing the clutter. nice one. perfect as it is.
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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
Poet of the Month/April 2010Blog Picks for April 2010Poem of the Month/April 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Blog Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Judge - Quartely Poetry ContestEat Chicken!Winner-haiku contest - September 2010Blog Picks/ November 2010Staff Picks/January 2011Blog Picks/September 2011Staff Picks/October 2011Staff Picks/March 2012Blog Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/October 2012


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10 17:35:40 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

thinkingsam wrote:
That's a lot of sadness in a short piece... The last line was a very nice revelation of who the narrator is.

thank you sam Very Happy
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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
Poet of the Month/April 2010Blog Picks for April 2010Poem of the Month/April 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Blog Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Judge - Quartely Poetry ContestEat Chicken!Winner-haiku contest - September 2010Blog Picks/ November 2010Staff Picks/January 2011Blog Picks/September 2011Staff Picks/October 2011Staff Picks/March 2012Blog Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/October 2012


Joined: Jan 31, 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10 17:36:18 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

mamta wrote:
aches with sadness. clearing the clutter. nice one. perfect as it is.

yep, clearing the clutter is exactly right. thanks.
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Who knew we would get this far?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 6 22:54:21 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

So perfect and concise. Why have you not made it permanent? It's great.
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Deleted_User_10084
The first hundred years are the hardest


The first hundred years are the hardest
Poet of the Month/April 2010Blog Picks for April 2010Poem of the Month/April 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/May 2010Blog Picks/May 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Staff Picks/June 2010Judge - Quartely Poetry ContestEat Chicken!Winner-haiku contest - September 2010Blog Picks/ November 2010Staff Picks/January 2011Blog Picks/September 2011Staff Picks/October 2011Staff Picks/March 2012Blog Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/July 2012Staff Picks/October 2012


Joined: Jan 31, 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 7 13:40:23 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: morning, January 1 Reply with quote

thanks H. to be honest, i'd forgotten about this little ditty, lost in my whirlwind of work and more work...been a bit busy lately and haven't been able to devote my attention to the things i love. i'll post it today.
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