Judge this Poem
User Info
Welcome Anonymous
 Membership:
 Latest: raaga
 New Today: 0
 New Yesterday: 1
 Overall: 16646
People Online:
 Members: 2
 Visitors: 107
Bots: 3
 Staff: 0
Staff Online:No staff currently online.
Paid Membership
Buy a paid membership and get more out of GotPoetry!
Advertise on the GotPoetry Advertising Network.
Donations
 GotPoetry is a community supported site.
Due Date:
May 31
May Goal:
180.00
Gross Amount:
0.00
PayPal Fees:
0.00
Net Balance:
0.00
Below Goal:
180.00
Site Currency:
USD
Top Poetry Clubs
|
Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a poem > > Scars
Scars
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
RHDJ
Newbie
Joined: Aug 10, 2010
Posts: 1
Credits: 0
|
 Posted: Fri Feb 17 5:26:44 EST 2012 Post subject: Scars |
 |
Scars
From self infliction
Eroding with every disaffection
I ask myself am I dying to live or living to die
No longer can I survive
Pissing away the moments that make up a dull day
Striking the bone
Tearing away
|
|
Karma: 1.00  
Back to top |
|
 |
LoSt
And for a moment, it was like joy was
Joined: Feb 24, 2004
Posts: 1802
Credits: 3
Location: Tomball, Tx
|
| Posted: Fri Feb 17 12:25:07 EST 2012 Post subject: Re: Scars |
|
First post? Welcome to gotpoetry! Here it is what u make it...literally. I followed this poem as i read through, i would maybe suggest tossing in some more "picture painting" words. Try and make the reader feel your pain through your words.
_________________
I love deadlines. I like the wooshing sound they make as they fly by. |
|
Karma: 90.90
Back to top |
|
|
FTikava
Intrigued
Joined: Feb 16, 2012
Posts: 7
Credits: 0
Location: UK
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 19 10:45:19 EST 2012 Post subject: Re: Scars |
|
I do think this poem could use a bit more imagery. Beef it up a little. That said, I like the last two lines. they hit.
|
|
Karma: 39.20
Back to top |
|
|
pixietude
Likes the forums
Joined: Mar 05, 2008
Posts: 262
Credits: 10
Location: California
|
| Posted: Wed Feb 22 4:09:26 EST 2012 Post subject: Re: Scars |
|
Welcome to gotpoetry. I do really like your poem. I like the topic and the structure; the way the lines break. Did you mean to quote Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon in line 6? I think that is fine, but if you do you should put it in quotes or I have quoted songs in my poems by putting them in parenthesis.
_________________
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity" -Poe |
|
Karma: 296.00
Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
 Forum FAQ
|
My Posts
Search
