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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Small Poems > > Seesaw
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Seesaw


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lukaki26
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25 22:23:47 EST 2012    Post subject: Seesaw Reply with quote

We are both on a seesaw,
and you appear higher
so you think you can see more.

You need to look up at the stars now.
Beyond the darkness,
beyond the park,
beyond our town.

Maybe this is where answers are found,
ideas in the night sky dancing around.

Just because I appear to be lower
doesn't mean I am cast down,
and when I get off this ride
you'll hit the hard ground.

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Last edited by lukaki26 on Tue Feb 28 8:11:50 EST 2012; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27 15:13:49 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Seesaw Reply with quote

An interesting look at perspective. I sense a little metaphysical vibe. A fine short piece.

For consistency, I think a period after "around" in S3 would be appropriate.
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lukaki26
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Location: East Sussex, England

PostPosted: Tue Feb 28 8:13:24 EST 2012    Post subject: Re: Seesaw Reply with quote

Thanks for your comment, the lack of period was a mistake, now ammended.

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