he was kinda sexy, milkandlightcarmel in the summer days,
the tones of his skin brought out his hershey's kiss-shaded eyes...
perfectly blended, creaseless, no lines, perfect, atleast to me
built up feelings and memories danced in my veins, i had been scilenced,
i had started to change, a different girl, i did not like this girl at all, i was a downright/uptight bitch, and i knew it, i didn't need anyone to tell me
i had to hide the fact that i blushed a deep shade of rose at the thought of him, holding me in his strong, protecting, ever-loving arms
now, in this new time i am totally vulnerable, it shouldn't be that hard to see you! at night, all i have to do is fantisize;, knowing and seeing what
seems to be real, it used to be and i wish it still was, i cry myself to sleep at night.. missing you and a song surrounds me in my dreams, and fit makes me feel helpless, stupid, i know. but, it wasn't the song that amazed me, it was him, emotions beating me, ceaseless, senseless..
i am so young, so young yet, i've grown up so fast and i know this is where i want to be.. even as that stands in my mind, i feel stolen, why did that bastard have to take me away from my happiness?? i feel the butterflies building up inside me when i see him, i can't help it and when i hear him, i melt, i am nothing more than a puddle on the twisted road that you people call lfe, but like i said before, there is no reality only preception..not that i feel that way alll the time, but you know what i mean?? passion running thru me, sometimes, i can see nothing, but to feel it is amazing. i am surrounded by many sounds, overtaken with many thoughts .. i feel like clay! totally controlled, i want to run but, i am pulled, stretched back, like a big rubber band used to bind newspapers together! the rhythm of events is taking it's tole on me, emotional death trap .. it's not you, it's that guy, that guy the should be vanished into oblivion, trust me, i wish i could! your spirit: even though i can't hold you right now, i think of you always, i wish you could lay between my theighs! but, mostly, my soul was empty, because without you, i feel cold .. i want the flame back and i want to feel like i could sing and dance all day!, that's the way that you make my life! jealousy from the other side, fuck it, i know what i want and it's not that at all, what i want back is you! i remembered the way that it felt to kiss you, i wanted to feel our bodies intertiwined, i missed it. in the first shadow cast of the night sky, i feel shamed, i tried to hide, i even tried to settle! but, then i had a breakthru, flashfoward, do i really want this .. continuation of a hell hole?? i realize that i need you and that i need to get away, come save me! i want to have and feel what we had before, where i am at now, i can't take it anymore! i have reflected, he/this whole damn thing is beyond crazy! i feel hidden away, find me! distract the restraining factor, come get me! his eyes were not jewels, they were dark, empty, black and emotionless! that night, i felt free, i wanted to run away with you, let's go, my faith restored, i don't have to do this thing called life alone, i have you! back in our bed, i slept sweet, free from all the stress and worry and the only thing that i felt was your arm around me. ahh, to feel your love again!

For, Ted, written July 12th 2004 ... I Love You !