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Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling

Dear Ms Rowling: Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read your sixth book “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.” It is always nice to get a chance to read a young writer’s work. I am returning the unnecessary parts of the book to your care. Enclosed below are all the adverbs you used in Chapter 1.

I would have included all the adverbs in the book, but that proved too monumental a task for me, and I look forward to you continuing my good works and excising the rest of them yourself. You will feel good when you do, like you accomplished something.

When you have taken out the adverbs, please, do not store them all in one place; with such a large number close together there might be a linguistic chain reaction and reach a grammatical critical mass and explode with “ly” constructions flying everywhere, lodging themselves on the ends of words that were just fine without them. We don’t want a word apocalypse now do we?

So without anymore preamble: here are all the adverbs of chapter 1 of the book. If you see me repeat a word, it is because you used that very adverb more than once.

barely, unfortunately, perfectly, mournfully, peculiarly, slowly, sincerely, inquiringly, kindly, immediately, honestly, generally, distinctly, briefly, stiffly, wearily, morosely, precisely, fatherly, gently, hopelessly, highly, defensively, nervously, rapidly, furiously, heatedly, miserably, momentarily, furiously, exactly, cautiously, warily, honestly, momentarily, clearly, immediately, suddenly, distractedly, politely, briefly, lamely, weakly, anxiously, merely, personally, hopelessly

On looking at them as one big group I am sure you see the problem. But do not let me tell you, let us got to the source: Strunk and White from “Elements of Style.” In one chapter they advise, “Adverbs are easy to build. Take an adjective or a participle, add ly and behold! you have an adverb. Buy you’d be better off without it. Do not write tangledly. The word itself is a tangle. Do not even write tiredly. Nobody says tangledly and not many people say tiredly. Words that are not used orally are seldom the ones to put on paper. Do not dress words up by adding ly to them, as though putting a hat on a horse.” Or even a hat on a blast ended skrewt. That would be most disastrous.

Strunk and White also talk about your habit of putting adverbs after people speak. “Inexperienced writers…do this in the belief that the word ‘said’ is always in need of support.” But what do me and the boys know? You have sold 10 gagillion copies of this Half Blood book and only a few hundred folks read this column. Hell, more people know of you than those Strunk and White upstarts. (I mean their book is only a hundred pages long, and it took two of them to write it, sheesh!)

While I am at it, because I showed the generosity of returning you your wayward adverbs, I was wondering if you can send me the parts of the Half-Blood Prince that appear to be missing: a story arc and adequate pacing. Looking forward to seeing these two things in the mail. Without them this book feels like nothing more than a place holder to the next book and I am sure that was not your intention.

Advisedly yours,

Dave Macpherson
Editor In Chief - The Intl Review of Bad Children’s Books

Submitted by Anonymous on Sunday, April 15, 2007 (23:42:06) (3178 reads)

"Features: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling" | Login/Create an Account | 9 comments

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Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling (Score: 1 )
by Lightless on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 (13:55:03)

i love the book and it was deep what you were saying to jk rowling so keep it up

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Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling (Score: 1 )
by natey on Friday, April 20, 2007 (08:57:15)

Yeah. LOL. You are really weird.

I happened to like the book, as well as the rest of the series, but this was a mildly interesting take on it. I think I got what you were going for, just...

I guess I don't understand the dig. It's like saying the Beatles had no musical talent based on the fact alone that they sold a gazillion copies of every album every put out.

Obviously SOME one is reading JK Rowling, and thinks she has talent of some kind. (Yes, true, it turns out to be hm. 99 percent of the whole children's book world in fact)

Maybe I'm just way too much of a fan to take this post as the joke it might have been intended?

I'm usually good with really good satire and insensitive politically incorrect jokes of all kinds. I even thoroughly enjoy good digs at JR Rowling and the whole series.

This one was just kinda weird for me. Don't know why.

No disrespect intended.

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Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling by John on Friday, April 20
- Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling by Anonymous on Friday, April 20
  - Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling by Anonymous on Friday, April 20

Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling (Score: 1 )
by cloudhead on Sunday, May 06, 2007 (00:02:17)

hahaha, a hat on a horse...

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Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling
by Anonymous on Saturday, June 23, 2007 (06:03:38)

Fatherly and deathly are adjectives.

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Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling (Score: 1 )
by superjill on Thursday, July 26, 2007 (13:53:54)

Despite what other people are saying, your commentary made me laugh. I thought it was cute. I laughed laughingly.

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Re: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Adverb: An open letter to J.K. Rowling
by Anonymous on Wednesday, August 19, 2009 (17:40:08)

Strunk was an enormous fraud, with whom it's surprising that the talented E. B. White associated himself. The admonition on adverbs has been gullibly gulped down and regurgitated by hacks like Stephen King for years but has nothing to do with real writing.

"Fatherly," as Rowling uses it, incidentally, in Chapter 1 of the Half-Blood Prince ("Fudge had then patted the shoulder of the still-dumbstruck Prime Minister in a fatherly sort of way") is not an adverb but an adjective.

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