Unconditional

I wept as they awaited me upon the sunlit hill
Beckoning I follow them, through trials of self-inflicted ills
I bade them ‘Go! Just walk away’
But they held their faith and still they stayed
I fell down to my knees and prayed they went away
I did not want the burden of being strong for them
But they told me
‘We want nothing, but to see your smiling face again’

Negative experience informed my expectations
A second child to lose in life through vengeful limitations
And so I played the part I’d known
A blast right from the past
My existential nihilist said ‘nothing ever lasts’
So many years I’d wasted while waiting for a chance
To do the right thing, standing still- never to advance
And though she told me ‘if not when’
I did not dare to try again
‘I would never do that to you’
I heard my lover say
My harsh retort:
‘I know you won’t- I’ll fucking walk away’

The substances coursed through my veins
And fear cursed my weak mind
I told them I’d rejected them
Lashing out in rage so blind
But my hate was tempered by their words
As they spoke intentions clearly
They said
‘We want nothing from your heart that you would not give us freely’

And so I crawled toward them, in guilt and pain and shame
I could not understand why they wanted me again
So much I’d done I could not take back
Using love, abusing trust- contemptuous attacks
A lust for life that went so wrong
My family lived to a punk rock song
And then they said, ‘We know you’re brave,
But we’ll be strong for you when you’re afraid
We know you’ve fallen far from grace
But our love is true and still we wait’

It was then I saw my child again; an angel with blue eyes
And her mother I’d rejected and pretended I despised
My fear had turned me right to wrong- I was lost upon life’s path
They had endured so much from me, but their love still brought me back
So now I’ll live my time for them, though a debt need not be paid
With unconditional love and courageous hearts
A man of me they’ve made.