| | The Great Escapeby liarbird
“I should be dead! I should be dead! Well and truly dead”
These are the words repeated, of a friend of mine once said,
After seven double whisky’s, and beer to chase the taste away…
“I should be dead! I should be dead” is all that he would say.
So I had to loosen up his tongue to stop this darn repeat,
For Ken is talking in some riddle that involved a foolish feat,
It took another dozen whisky’s to stop this ‘should be dead,’
And even then the panics with him, but finally he said…
“Oh mate, you’ve heard about that movie, they call ‘The Great Escape?’
Well you will say that’s bull dust…once I tell you of my scrape,”
It took a few more whisky’s to make him let the penny drop,
But once I got Ken yakking, he didn’t want to stop.
He might have learnt a lesson here, ‘cause sometimes you get shot,
If you jump the fence and thieve something, another ‘fellas’ got,
This might be just a silly quote, but it’s really serious,
For the ‘great escape’ he talks about, made old Ken delirious.
“No names…no names…no names,” Ken said. “Don’t ask me for a name.
I’ll just tell you what has happened and for it I’ll cop the blame…
It was in the pub at Donningfield where I’m having a quiet beer,
When she sidled up beside me and asked me what I’m doing here.”
“No names…don’t ask for names…of course the offers on a plate,
She’s single and she’s lonely and she hasn’t time to wait,
So like a moth into the flame, I followed her just like a sheep,
And in no time at all I’m in the room where she does sleep.”
Of course I’m partly drooling with the thought of what’s ahead,
Not thinking for a moment ‘bout the venom to be said,
So Ken took centre stage again and continued with his tale
“I was doing all right with her…but she omitted one detail.”
“Cause when she heard the front door close, up she sat in bed,
Then hid me clothes and shouted ‘me husbands home’ she said.
I sprinted to the bathroom naked, still feeling flushed and hot…
‘Her bloody husband!’ but she’s single…oh no she’s bloody not!”
“I heard her old man question her, and in a threatening voice he said
‘What in the hell have you been doing lying starkers on the bed?’
She answered with her sweetest smile ‘I heard you open up the door,
And as always I knew darling…my body you cannot ignore.”
Ken knocked down another whisky, and near hyperventilated,
But he hasn’t quite got to the point of something he’s created,
So I don’t want him dying yet, he ain’t finished with his tale,
And it’s bloody interesting, so I urged him to set sail.
“No names…no names…but God’s truth” Ken shook his sombre head,
“Her bloody husband answered mate, well the first thing that he said,
Is “That’s bloody great…I’ll just go to the bathroom for a sec,’
And at that point is when me hands, felt me unprotected neck.”
“You know I heard her panicking, but it was all too late,
He’s in the bathroom with me, and right then I knew me fate,
So I danced around the bathroom naked, as though he wasn’t there
Clapping hands time and again around me in mid air.”
“His eyes were wide, his jaw it dropped…he just stood there and glared,
‘Who in the bloody hell are you?’ he said, and for this I was prepared,
I said I’m here from Rentokil…I’m here to satisfy your wife,
She rang about these blasted moths, that you can see are running rife.”
“He fiercely looked me up and down…I’m thinking maybe I’m still gone…
‘You’re killing bloody moths…how come you’ve got no clothing on?’
I gazed down at me naked body, acting shocked with what I see…
Those rotten little mongrels! Look what these moths have done to me.”
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