GotPoetry.com > > Poems - tiny crabs
GotPoetry.com

Help
Toggle Content .:: Home :: Poems :: Workshop Forums :: Register :: Features ::.
Toggle Content User Info
Welcome Anonymous

Nickname
Password
(Register)

Toggle Content Yesterday's Top
Rank   Name
 01: sschubert
 02: jadia4708au
 03: isitpoetry
 04: joliebelle
 05: AndreyFisht
 06: Michaelw1two
 07: Kieran
 08: aquajello
 09: Clinton.Maslen
 10: j3tblu

More ...

Toggle Content Donations
Donate with PayPal!
GotPoetry is a community supported site.
Due Date: Dec 31
December Goal: 230.00
Gross Amount: 45.00
PayPal Fees: 1.91
Net Balance: 43.09
Below Goal: 186.91
Site Currency: USD
19% 
December Donations
13th  Blondie
1st  Blondie
1st  Mayo

Poems - tiny crabs

Poems

Here Web

[ Main | Add Poem | New | Rate | Rankings | Page Slam ]

tiny crabs

by ken2shoes

tiny crabs
scurry for their holes
when I step forward
don’t worry, crabs
I promise..to tread softly





ratingrating
<< prev | Haiku, Senryu, Renga and Tanka | next >>
Tags:

"tiny crabs" | Login/Create an Account | 8
Threshold
The comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content.

Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
by anna9 on Monday, August 22, 2011 (21:31:17)
good imagery Ken, very contemplative indeed, but i will settle for the simple obvious, it made me smile, surprising how the oft seen can come up to be a soft contemplative poem

| Parent
    Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
    by ken2shoes on Tuesday, August 23, 2011 (10:39:28)
    Thanks, Anna, a lot of changes went into the last line - there is a reference to a poem by Yeats where he uses the phrase 'tread softly'. Someone in a tanka forum suggested it.

    | Parent

Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
by K13739 on Tuesday, August 23, 2011 (09:08:44)
Another great one, Ken. Have you thought about putting a comma after "crabs" in the 4th line? Although this works too.

| Parent
    Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
    by ken2shoes on Tuesday, August 23, 2011 (10:37:46)
    Thanks Paula, I did think about it, but punctuation in these Japanese forms (haiku and tanka) has a cost to it - you see minimal punctuation in these.

    I depend on the line break to add the pause. such little and subtle decisions. My original last two lines were:

    don't worry, crabs, I promise
    to tread softly on this world

    I post in a tanka forum. the people thought that was too heavy and they didn't like the 'enjambment' - one line running into another.

    There are certain minimal guidelines that I try to follow. Another is that you avoid end-rhymes and, indeed, rhyming altogether.

    I am willing to try to write withn the guidelines as much as possible so that the poem can be called a tanka.

    I have become smitten with the form, because you can use metaphor and simile and include emotional lines as well. Haiku is much more 'objective'. I love writing short poems, so I have been writing nothing but these for about three weeks.

    | Parent
      Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
      by K13739 on Tuesday, August 23, 2011 (11:09:10)
      I like the new last lines more than the original, they are very effective. I understand now that the pause after crabs is meant to be like a comma. It works well. I take my hat off to you for being able to write tankas and haikus. They are not my strong point Very Happy

      | Parent
        Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
        by ken2shoes on Tuesday, August 23, 2011 (12:50:47)
        I think you could write well in any form you tried.

        | Parent

Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
by ossy on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 (08:58:29)
The imagery is thrilling with much humor.Had to smile after reading it.
Best wishes,
ossy

| Parent

Re: tiny crabs (Score: 1 )
by omegapaf on Wednesday, August 31, 2011 (16:57:05)
thanks ken. we little crabs appreciate your effort on our behalf - king crab.

| Parent


[ ken2shoes's profile | Commenting Members (5) | | ]

  Added on: 21-Aug-2011 | Hits: 497 | Full author copyright - Exclusive Right held by author.



GotPoetry - News for poets. Place to write.

GotPoetry is the most popular network of performance poets and poetry readings on the internet today.

Editors: John, Mamta and a cast of tens of others.
Publisher: John Powers

Content © 1998-2008
GotPoetry LLC. All rights reserved

Engine released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy, Legal Notices

Search:
 
GotPoetry.com Web

Forums Search
Gallery Search
Advanced Search


Link to Full Archives
Link to all News Topics


Link for all submission options for this site.

Subscribe - Use an RSS reader to stay up to date with the latest news and posts from GotPoetry.

GotPoetry News RSS Feed

Subscribe with Yahoo!
Subscribe with Google

Other GotPoetry RSS Syndication -  You can syndicate other parts of our site using the following files:

Yesterday's Top News
Yesterday's Top Poems
Forums
New Photos
Blogs
Downloads
Featured Articles