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Poems - Until Death Us Do Part
| | Until Death Us Do Partby Phoebe
He’d come to her room like he thinks he belongs
She’d suffer in silence remembering his wrongs
He took without asking once she was his wife
And strangled the good from her once happy life
As months turned to years all she had was her pride
It carried her through when all else in her died
A heart filled with love takes a long time to break
Believing his lies was her biggest mistake
She held to the dream of the man she once knew
Who told her with passion that he loved her too
So wanting the man that she knew he could be
Instead of this stranger of hostility
She touches the swelling on her lower lip
A gift from his most recent meth party trip
Two children she gave him, both gone long ago
A boy and a girl who she never will know
Taken far away with her faraway dreams
Only her misery shares her silent screams
The sounds of a nightmare nobody can hear
She lived out her life filled with sorrow and fear
She looked at his body now dead on the floor
Now free from all pain, no more hurt anymore
Steps over him carefully, lays down on the bed
And closing her eyes puts the gun to her head.
~Phoebe~
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| "Until Death Us Do Part" | Login/Create an Account | 11 |
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Re: Until Death Us Do Part
(Score: 1 )
by Keeper on Sunday, February 19, 2012 (08:36:11) |
A very sad poem. Nothing hurts worse then betrayal by someone that should have loved you and the shattering of ones dreams.
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Re: Until Death Us Do Part
(Score: 1 )
by Phoebe on Sunday, February 19, 2012 (13:12:07) |
Thank you very much for reading this, to me it is an issue that makes a mockery of love and a lot of women suffer in silence:)-Phoebe
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Re: Until Death Us Do Part
(Score: 1 )
by Iridium on Sunday, February 19, 2012 (12:18:50) |
Okay, I have never read your poetry before but one thing you should know about me is I say what I think. This is a very sad poem. I do not like rhyming poetry but if you are going to do it then in myopinion, you should make sure each stanza has the sam amount of syllables so that the lines all match. The is done in limerick style, which doesn't seem right for such a deep, sad, poem.My suggestion is that you try to re do this poem in free verse. Well done, for a rhyming poem, though.
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Re: Until Death Us Do Part
(Score: 1 )
by Phoebe on Sunday, February 19, 2012 (13:07:22) |
Thank you so much for your opinion , I do value the comments of fellow poets and appreciate the value of different perspectives. I have dabbled in free verse but it is not a style that fits comfortably with the way I write. The intent of this piece was to support a cause and I have to admit not a lot of thought was given by myself to the poetry style. I love rhyme, whatever the theme, but, as in most of my writing, I go with the moment I'm in and the way the thoughts assemble in my mind is the way the words flow out. I also say it as I see it and thank you for your comments. -Phoebe
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Re: Until Death Us Do Part
(Score: 1 )
by Iridium on Sunday, February 19, 2012 (13:14:23) |
well stated. I appreciate the comments and critiques of other poets as well.....if you have time, could you read my piece, 10 years? I appreciate honest comments very much, thanks, Jan
Added on: 19-Feb-2012 | Hits: 266 |
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01: Pujakins
...a great piece here sad and dramatic with social connotation....your definatly on a roll 
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