
User Info

Yesterday's Top

Donations
 GotPoetry is a community supported site.
Due Date:
May 31
May Goal:
180.00
Gross Amount:
0.00
PayPal Fees:
0.00
Net Balance:
0.00
Below Goal:
180.00
Site Currency:
USD
|
Poems - Force of a Souldier - Part 1
| | Force of a Souldier - Part 1by LightSword
I got more Force than Darth Vader
Coulda created an Empire out of potaytaz or tomaytaz
My rhymes so smooth they crystaline like shinin' diamonds
Competetors steppin' aside they can't get my timin'
I go to new places in your membrain and
I promise not to drive you jive or insane when
This world we live in they straight playin' games and
Your pineal gland's attacked deep inside your brain then
You don't see shit, you think you learnin', reading, writin'
While steadily blind to find things in plain sight then
They wavin' a hand, now watch a spell gets castin'
You try to fasten your seatbelt, but they moved it 'fore it fastened
I'm blastin' out new signals, waves, and vibrations
Travelin' out creatin' mental sensations
Remember that LightSword's the one who really told ya
The definition of real and stand tall like a soldier
| | 
| "Force of a Souldier - Part 1" | Login/Create an Account | 3 |
|
|
| The comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
 |
Re: Force of a Souldier - Part 1
(Score: 1 )
by Zbird on Sunday, June 24, 2012 (08:59:20) |
you have something good working for you here, but take the time to fix the misspelled words and make it great!
 |
Re: Force of a Souldier - Part 1
(Score: 1 )
by LightSword on Sunday, June 24, 2012 (22:30:34) |
Thanks for the feedback, It's greatly appreciated. If you're refering to 'potaytaz or tomaytaz' or words of this sort, I spelled them as they would be pronounced in my native East Oakland lingo to give my poems some urban flavoring: like 'tryna' is 'trying to' or 'somo' is 'some more', etc... perfect grammar can sometimes interfere with the delivery of concepts to lesser intellects, so I do this to appeal to a slightly larger audience. I also find it sort of ironic to have massive ideas and concepts expressed in such urban, metropolitan english for the ultimate oxymoron. But for all my honest, unintended typoes, however, I lay full blame my Android keyboard!... 
Again, thank you so much for your time and comments!!
 |
Re: Force of a Souldier - Part 1
(Score: 1 )
by LightSword on Tuesday, June 26, 2012 (02:05:27) |
Also I spelled 'soldier' "Souldier" in the title on purpose; as in soul-die-er. In the wrong types of armys we kinda sell our souls (a soul sold to die?). But in my haste I did miss some other typoes in some other poems trying to grasp the inspiration while it was flowing, but I'm going back correcting those now.
Added on: 24-Jun-2012 | Hits: 152 |
 |