Puttin myself out there

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Beautiful!!!!!!! thanks so much for sharing all that deeply personal stuff.
yes, i think everyone has some sort of mask- even if its only shown to selective people.....the real you.........it certainly takes endurance getting to know anyone's real 'them'.
still healing......yes......healing is a process....wow- i am still amazed byt he amount of stuff you've gone through.
jenna- you are an incredibly resilient and brave person, and absolutely loving mother. thanks so much for sharing....you shame the rest of us who deal with much less.......)
geekgizmo......sounds like love;-)

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Monday, November 02, 2009 (22:33:43)

There are people who deal with more. I think that sometimes it helps to see what other people have been through, It makes me remember how "lucky"i am. Last week I saw a comment someone left on a song on youtube. The person was talking about how his gf left him and he loves and her and he was thinking about killing himself. I didnt know if that was true but I didnt want to just to leave it at that. I wrote him a message, I told him about a woman who went through some things and she wanted to kill herself but instead she was writing him a message. I didnt expect a response but he wrote back; and added me as a friend. Sometimes going through hell is a good way to help someone out of there hell. Thanks for sharing your thoughts millie. I love hearing from you. Oh; and yes..geeky and nerdy are in love


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Wow

do you enjoy making me cry
this is so deeply personal and

i want Geeky to see this...so make sure he does
thank you so much for jumping the wall
she has endured to much and i think you have come at a good time in jennas life...her and joshua....Libby

don't hurt her Geeky....she is much to kind
Grrrrrrrrr....Lola

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 (09:58:44)

I see Geeky saw the message before I did.
I didnt mean to make you cry, Im sorry

Youre such a sweetheart Libby! (and so is Lola for caring) thanks


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Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by angeroseblue on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 (13:07:07)

do be sorry nerdy
that is the purpose of the poem
and i am a big ass cry baby
so get used to it.....

and i am glad geeky saw it


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Wow, I have absolutely no idea what is going on behind the scenes of these comments. I guess my passion and love sensors are fading from this place I am in. It sounds as though you are doing better now so I dont know if I can help. But I had an awkwardly similar childhood and young adulthood to yours. And it still haunts me everytime I breath a certain way. Or sit in a certain place, or hear a certain noise, or remember a certain face. Things trigger these thoughts of mine at the worst possible times usually. I can control my reactions now verses when I was younger. But I have seen many things since then, and people all around the world especially here in Iraq have it so un-believably tough, that the weight of my history becomes feathers. Compared to the beatings I got growing up, over here there is children that get sold or traded away like used vehicles. They get beaten and raped and some fucking terrorist straps a bomb to there chest and points a gun to his sister and orders him to walk into the store and blow it up or she will get blown up (that really happened here 2 weeks ago, while I was standing 30 ft from the store). I might have had it terrible as a child but the oportunities were there for me when I needed them to get out of that f'ing house and find a life. There is chances in the US for people to make a life nomatter what their history. But over here, there isn't, they are stuck, not only are they stuck but they have to be scared shitless constantly of everything around them. Terrorists, US forces, Coalition Forces. We are running their country right now not them unfortunately. But humans are creatures of habit, The Iraqi's have been torturing themselves for years and years and there is no end in sight. So when I see a young Iraqi male or female, I smile at them, as they always run up to me praying to Ala that I will take them from this place, I give them a big hug and I whisper in their ear. "everything is going to be ok, this is not your fault, you will grow strong without anybodies help." And then I give them a big American candy bar as they smile back at me and run back to their friends. I say those words because there is nothing else you can say to an abused child to make them feel better. You know that. All we can do is sit back and hope that the world will one day fix itself so that children of the world can live and stay in their youth until they are ready. Not become a man or a woman at 6 yrs old. I have a lot of hatred built up inside which is why I joined the military, to protect the innocent from these criminals. I love making them suffer and feel guilt and humiliation. It is my new job. That is how I find peace in my life now. If you ever want to talk about this in a more private manner just let me know nerdy, and I will make the time for PMs or IMs. Take care of yourself and nice work on this poem. Well done.
RJ

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 (18:04:28)

Its hearing things like that that make me thankful because my son isnt growing up in an environment like that.(it breaks my heart for the children that are there though) I will never understand how these people can do this stuff. Especially to the children. Adults being stupid is one thing, but a child should not be involved any more than he/she already is. I went through alot and ive learned to live with it. I have some issues but I am honest about having them so it makes it easier on me and the people around me. It wasnt always like that. For awhile I was like a zombie. No idea how I managed to fly to the states with an infant and 6 bags and take care of him. I came back to Germany and thats when I was finally able to REALLY deal with what happend and ive been doing good. There are so many things going on in this world that we have no control over, I refuse to let a man have control over me. There is a part of me that he will always be able to get to because we have a child but I am not giving into his games anymore. He did some really fucked up shit ( Army doesnt give a dishonorable discharge and prison sentence for nothing) its all in my blog "why im a single mom"

I really think its great how you approach the people in need there. A hug and hopeful words is really all you can do and im sure it makes them happy, at least for a moment. I really wish the morons would get their shit straight ( I still dont know why all this is happening. I mean, it isnt doing anyone any good. Are they really that blind? )

Sorry to hear about your childhood. Another thing I will never understand.. how can anyone hurt a child??? Seriously, mankind is sick. I hate it. Its so sad. Thanks for taking the time share your story and thoughts, I really appreciate it.

take care
Jenna


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This is a beautiful write....youve been through alot, im glad your strong enough to keep your chin up

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 (04:46:36)

Thanks Dreaming.


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it's almost like GP, basically you guys.........family. your words transend time an space, I feel like sum 1 hurt my little sister.

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 (04:47:22)

aaaw. I know what you mean by family. GP is like my cyber home! Thanks Daniel


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all good stuff-- happy for you and Geeky--and, for those who are not aware--
Miss Nerd is absolutley adorable!!!!

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Thursday, November 05, 2009 (05:22:05)

aaw. thanks Rhoda


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Well done on being brave enough to share this much of yourself and I hope you come to realise that not everyone in the world is rotten- there are far more good people than bad. Unfortunately they've all been forced to wear a mask too- sometimes it's the only way to survive. Take care and i hope it all works out for you, love and peace, spence

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 (17:01:17)

Thanks Spence. Ive learned to see whats behind the mask of others. Ive gotten pretty good at it. I guess its easier to read people when youve played so many roles in your life besides the fact that people my age are easy as hell to read anyway. (I think it could also be a poets thing, we see things from more than one perspective) Most of the people I know here my age pretend like they are happy but the fact that they do nothing exept party and talk about others peoples lives shows that they arent as happy as they seem to be. I know there alot of good people, its just that I dont meet very many. We all have flaws but I keep running into people have the worst flaw there is to have in a friendship. They lie and cheat. Needless to say I dont have many friends here. I observe and I know who can really be trusted. Thanks for stopping by Spence. I enjoy reading your comments!


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WOW I am absolutely stunned.
A beautiful poem wrapped in the hurt of the past
you are a strong woman and I wish you great success in all you do
peace
Greg

Re: Puttin myself out there (Score: 1 ) by nerdgirl on Sunday, November 08, 2009 (08:32:23)

thanks so much Greg


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