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Poems - I killed the Bucket woman

I killed the Bucket woman

by randy-johnson

Hyacinth Bucket was a snob who always tried to act proper.
I knew that it was time for somebody to stop her.
Her surname was Bucket but she insisted that it's pronounced Bouquet.
I did the world a big favor when I iced that woman on that glorious day.

When it came to her Royal Doulton, she would gloat.
I grabbed a piece of it and crammed it down her throat.
She believed that she was superior to other people.
I fired two shots as I was standing in a steeple.

The first bullet that I fired hit one of Hyacinth's breasts.
Silicone leaked out of her implant and ruined her dress.
The second shot hit her heart that was made of stone.
Now British people are treating me like a king on a throne.

I tried to tolerate Hyacinth but it got to be too much for me to stand.
Everyday since I murdered her, everybody shakes my hand.
People hated her but she thought that everybody loved her.
Great Britain is a great place because everybody is rid of her.

(THIS FICTIONAL POEM IS INSPIRED BY THE BRITISH SITCOM "KEEPING UP APPEARANCES.")