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Poems - You Remind Me of A Lonnnggg Violin

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You Remind Me of A Lonnnggg Violin

by MyMadamePoetess

You remind me of a lonnnggg violin,
With the strings bent in,
Every which way,
After years of play,
The pegs twisted round,
The stale itchy sound,
The warn patchy wood,
To much for my own good,
You remind me of years lonnnggg ago,
As you wax the hairs upon your bow,
And you paint and repaint that awful grin,
The milky red that looks like satin,
Waiting for the notes to sigh,
And play your sad song from morning to night,
You remind me of a song I love to sing,
As you merely pluck away at your strings,
I couldn't grasp the words to the tune,
But you and I will dance together soon!





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Re: You Remind Me of A Lonnnggg Violin (Score: 1 )
by Tamara on Tuesday, March 23, 2010 (16:16:24)
Your images are great and your words refreshing.

I do; however, have a few nits. You may consider making the following changes:

The stale itchy sound [scratchy sound], because itchy doesn't make a sound, and stale, in fact, describes neither itchy nor scratchy. You may want to think about this.

To [Too] much for my own good

Repaint may be hyphenated. Not certain though.

With practice comes perfection. Keep writing!

Hope I've been somewhat helpful. Wink

Best,

Tamara

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  Added on: 22-Mar-2010 | Hits: 355 | Full author copyright - Exclusive Right held by author.



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