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Poems - Waltz


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by butterflyzrfree

Read at a waltz pace. Emphasize first syllable.

Look we are
the best one's
in the group
shining and
you so fine
in that tux
oh but you
outdo me
in your red
oh, just stop
here comes the
teacher, let's
see what he
has to say
Oh we suck?
is that what-
No that's slang
it means that
we so fine
OUCH! my toe
why don't you
look where you
place your big
foot! Fool! You
never pay
mind to the
things you are
doing so
why am I
here with you
This is just
a waste of
time you are
just a big
jerk and you--
don't talk that
way to me
woman it's
not so plain
easy to
put up with
your bullshit!
Why aren't you
dancing? now
Look at the
group they are--
What do I
care about
a bunch of
strangers who
you seem to
think more
important than
Me? This is
it, I am
through you damn
bitch I don't
know why I
put up with
shit not to
say how you
snore! Get
out of my
face you can
hitch a ride
home I don't
care if you
die you are
nothing to
me, any
more you can
rot! OH the
teacher is
kicking us
out,we are
well you just
go and--

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"Waltz" | Login/Create an Account | 9
The comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content.

Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
by PinkNeonFlavor on Friday, April 09, 2010 (18:00:46)
Wow! To me this flows fluently like a story. Quite a broken fingers piece...I dig your work

You know what kind of write you should do?
A write about unicorns in a fantasy world..
That would be awesome...

I want to see the magical person in you... Very Happy Very Happy Smile Smile

| Parent
    Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
    by butterflyzrfree on Saturday, April 10, 2010 (04:54:58)
    Thanks, Pink! I was strongly influenced by you in one of my recent writes. I will try to remember the name of it. Smile

    | Parent
      Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
      by PinkNeonFlavor on Saturday, April 10, 2010 (23:35:13)
      Hmm....I'm beginning to wonder

      Which write?!?
      Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      That is awesome

      | Parent

Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
by Tamara on Saturday, April 10, 2010 (23:30:12)
Well you certainly got the message across to the beat of the waltz. The love/hate relationship is always a good subject for a poem.

Enjoyable read!



| Parent
    Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
    by butterflyzrfree on Sunday, April 11, 2010 (02:30:58)
    Thanks, Tamara! Come again soon!

    | Parent

Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
by wordsmithwannabe on Sunday, April 11, 2010 (02:35:06)
Wicked! this is swank, so so unique. love the use of vernacular and the slow pace, it forces the reader to commit and become absorbed in the piece. well done Gaily, would love to see more like this!!

| Parent
    Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
    by butterflyzrfree on Sunday, April 11, 2010 (02:44:58)
    Christoph--Thanks you! I thought I had made a new form here and then I remembered a part of an Eminem rap where he uses this technique. I can't remember the name it was one of the last albums. I know it is one the 'best of' I was pissed when I realized it. Thanks for the read! Gail

    | Parent

Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
by badmalthus on Sunday, April 11, 2010 (03:19:19)
Oh yeh.......I love how you constructed tis piece Gail......I had no option but to be a participant.

| Parent
    Re: Waltz (Score: 1 )
    by butterflyzrfree on Sunday, April 11, 2010 (13:19:23)
    Thaniks, Harry! So, you went to that waltzy class too? Did you see the fight? Who was your partner? Wink Cheers, gail

    | Parent

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