http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums.html Gotpoetry - News for poets. Place to write. en-us Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:33:20 GMT 1440 CPG-Nuke Dragonfly GotPoetry.com Forums http://backend.userland.com/rss http://www.gotpoetry.com/images/autoheader/logo-slogan.gif http://www.gotpoetry.com/ http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139069.html#139069 Thank You!!!! Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:33:20 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139068.html#139068 Your an incredible writer. i keep stumbling over your material and it gets me thinking every time. I wish I had your writing capabilities. Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:51:21 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139067.html#139067 Brown, nice writing! This is lovely! I love the progression from the world, to you. Just some teecherly stuff: S3, Monarchs does not need the apostrophe. S7, typo, lowercase i. S3, there are 3 "buts" in close proximity. Did you mean for that? Overall, I love it. Teech Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:47:13 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139066.html#139066 I noticed that this poem has had neither rating nor comments. I am not sure whether there is something about it in particular that leaves the reader not wanting to say anything. Is there something about either the structure or the subject that leaves the reader less than involved? Have I said things in such a way that they fail to evoke any feelings in the reader? This is my first time at doing this so please be gentle.. I am eager to learn what it is about what I write that makes my ideas/thoughts/feelings reach the reader or not. Any comments or contructive comments would be appreciated. Ephaedrus Beauty Beauty in the eye of the beholder like a speck of dust irritating reddening and focusing all your attention not something that deserves so much mention compared to the stuff that is truly attractive to me a soul a heart a mind none visible all outstanding the things that have always inspired the things that keep me thinking of you. ephaedrus Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:43:14 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139063.html#139063 Above is a rewrite of the orginal Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:28:02 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139058.html#139058 It's great to see you Carnyspook! We missed you! This is quite a touching piece. I think the third line in stanza two should be "cleansing" and in stanza one, line three "with" and "out" should be one word. I would love to see you work more on the ending. I wonder why "wait" for Cupid if the love is already there? Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:51:24 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139056.html#139056 See its not just me...so now you can be sure that your really amazing! Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:00:33 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139054.html#139054 Blue Rambler I've got a mind to ramble And ramblin's what I do. Put down your mace, come to my place I'll ramble on with you. You know sometimes I fantasize About the times we dressed in blue. You saw a cat, I said what's that I rambled on in you. There was a time when I was blind I tried to eat my shoe. You told me what, you patched our rut And it was all that you could do. In my ramblin' mind no time went by But that patch just wasn't you. You found a guy (looks like a pie) Then you kicked me from Peru. I screamed and hollered I'd yell then shout I cried, I winced and yelled some more I walked all paths, traveled more, or less The fringe of sanity myself was found I was a state, a puzzle missing pieces I found new bits and made a new one But I know they wont all fit. Someday, some where, as time changes air I know you'll see it too. But look to me and what you'll see Is I've got another shoe. But, I've got a mind to ramble And I know you've got one too. So pick up a case and take my place You'll ramble till they're blue. Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:33:20 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139053.html#139053 It does feel unfinished, but I think it would only need another line or so. Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:32:19 GMT http://www.gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=139052.html#139052 I read this several times and I'm not sure what to make of S3, ending in "Struck your head in distress". This line seems out of place or just unattached. Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:31:45 GMT