The Day I Died

Daniel Saul Baker 1958 (Los Angeles, CA)

Free verse

I was the first to hold her.
She was tiny.
She fit in the palm of my hand.
Her skin smelled of sugar.

She looked exactly like me.
Brown hair. High forehead. Small ears.
She even had my same toes!

Eighteen years passed, almost to the day, when I received the phone call.
It was very late.
The time of evening when such a call comes bearing words of trouble or tragedy.
It was my identical twin brother on the other end of the line.
“You must speak with your niece”.

She was angry and in pain.
I was feeling the same.

We could not meet in the middle,
but she was not discouraged.
She stood and said, “I love you so”.
I was stubborn. Prideful.
I said nothing.

She turned and hurried away, crying out to her mother; “He won’t say I love you!!!!”
She disappeared into the house, but I could hear her sobbing.

I felt her pain.
It pierced my heart.
I turned and walked away.

I died that day.

About this poem

My poem/prose is a reflection of an event I experienced with my niece.

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Written on April 15, 2015

Submitted by Danielsaulbaker on April 15, 2023

Modified on April 23, 2023

: 1:01 min read
: 113 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	ABXA BXX CXBXX DX XXXCE XE DXF F
Closest metre	Iambic tetrameter
Characters	916
Words	204
Stanzas	8
Stanza Lengths	4, 3, 5, 2, 5, 2, 3, 1

Full analysis for The Day I Died »

Daniel Saul Baker

I was born, raised and still reside in Los Angeles, CA. I have an identical twin brother and an older brother and sister. I am a retired data scientist but continue to work playing music professionally. Writing has been and remains a passion. more…

All Daniel Saul Baker poems | Daniel Saul Baker Books

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3 Comments

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Danielsaulbaker
Philipo, Luisestable1,
After reading your comments, I have spent time going over my work. I am aware, now, that my story moves 18 years into the future too abruptly, causing confusion. I will be rewriting, and I owe my new awareness to you two. Thank you! Dan more »
LikeReply1 year ago
Philipo
It sounds captivating and emotional too. But truly, I went through it twice and did not capture it well still. I even screenshot it to learn from later.
LikeReply1 year ago
- Danielsaulbaker
  I greatly appreciate your feedback. Ray Bradbury was a friend of my parents (and an acquaintance of mine at best), and I was fortunate to hear some pearls from him. One notable: "....don't show your work to anyone until it is published because you will only get cut off at the knees." It's a bit out of context, but I say this to emphasize how glad I am for posting my work here and receiving the comments I have thus far. I need to revisit my work and find the 'space' to draw more understanding from you, the reader. THANK YOU! Dan more »
  LikeReply1 year ago
luisestable1
This poem tells an interesting story.
I must admit, I did not understand all that happens in the poem, but the verses caught my attention. They have some very moving details.
LikeReply1 year ago
- Danielsaulbaker
  Thank you so much for your feedback/comment. Initially, I speak of my experience when my niece was born (not revealing she is my niece). I segue to a time 18 years later when my "identical twin brother" warns me of the need to speak to his daughter. Two things are revealed there. 1) that
  the newborn is not mine, but my niece, and 2) that she and I have an issue to resolve; an issue that is neither important to describe, nor what I wanted to share . The important message I am attempting to impart is that my niece did not allow our impasse to have any bearing on her feelings for me, while I went down the prideful, selfish path. The outcome was her pain followed by my pain; a pain so deep...... I hope I've helped. Again, so glad you were drawn to my prose. Dan more »
  LikeReply1 year ago

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"The Day I Died" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/156960/the-day-i-died>.

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