The years

                        


Counting all the years, holding back the tears
Anxiety, panic, nightmares and sheer fear
I’m in a place of Bermuda
Stuck in a triangle of mess
Chaos, suicidal thoughts, I am depressed
As the years go by it never seems to get  better
Just goes round and round
Yelling from the rooftops no-one can hear my sound
I am alone physically, mentally, mind body and soul
To be stable and break this addiction is my only goal
A head full of NAT’S and racing thoughts
Can’t work out what’s real or distort
Maladaptive behaviours
Drink, drugs sex and reckless binging sprees
End up at first falling to my knees
Then it gets worse I’m face down in the gutter
People walk past with judgement and just mutter
My heart is lonely and longs for love
A beautiful bond of growth and loyalty like two white doves
I cannot seem to shake this fear I am  feeling
PTSD  out of body experiences as I watch my lifeless body from the ceiling
Thirty five years old and my crown is starting to slip
Losing battle man, abort ship
But I’ll keep fighting time after time
As the clock keeps ticking,  till that very last chime.