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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Broken Fingers > > any suggestions?
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any suggestions?


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ebe-one
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10 23:12:18 EST 2011    Post subject: any suggestions? Reply with quote

in happy town(where
the flowers are laughing
&
the birds are singing)
love swims through the sky
(we're all
happily soaked)
joy breathes from the trees
(a forest
of smiles)
happiness floats in the clouds
(rain soaks
us again)

everyone
is welcome in happy town
(strange
rs
&
new
comers)

happy town is a
secret paradise(everyone
knows where it is)
there's a map in your heart(i
followed mine through the woods
when i became lost)

my home is in happy town
(im happy)
come join me
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mamta




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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11 9:07:38 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

whimsical but good. i liked how you used parentheses.
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electrictiger
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11 18:52:18 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

I felt the reverse about the parentheses, and found them distracting,
and perhaps worse, baffling in their intent. I don't understand the
structure of the line breaks either, nor the occasional clipping of
words into unusual shapes that don't seem to have any clear relation
to the poem's narrative; however, to be fair, I'm not sure I followed
that either.

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ebe-one
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 12 4:01:51 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

Inspired by ee cummings, my favorite poet

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electrictiger
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 12 13:06:20 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

ee is a great poet.

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ebe-one
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 13 21:22:49 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

i like the movement of reading, of poetry.

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electrictiger
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14 3:16:21 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

yes.

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ebe-one
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14 3:43:39 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

Lol mmmk

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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22 9:50:58 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

too here.ing and not being herd.ed

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ebe-one
Has written a poem or two


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22 10:01:26 EST 2011    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

Huh?
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FuchsiaFestival!
Compares Alliteration, Assonance & Rhyme


Compares Alliteration, Assonance & Rhyme
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15 9:26:28 EDT 2012    Post subject: Re: any suggestions? Reply with quote

This poem was very whimsical to me. I enjoyed the "jovial cadence" to this piece as it almost seems like there is a mystical quality--

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