Analysis of Dual Diagnosed
The worst choice of my life was leaving my children behind.
Bipolar and drowning in fucking alcohol, I made that choice twice.
"Its best for them" I said, "I couldn't let them see me."
But it was best for my fucking self so I could still be drinking.
Id defend that justification id take my last breath with it.
Walk on eggshells mutherfucker, you better not even question it.
What was best for them was to have their fucking mother around.
While they were asking where there mom was I had beers to pound.
I did this to roman too before i left all he wanted was his mom.
Emotionally disconnected bipolar was there but I was gone.
You see son, your mother is a fuck up, i cant live up to your demands.
And im sorry to the twins you guys were dealt an incredibly bad hand.
And i just want to scream at the top of my fucking lungs.
If they couldn't feel their mothers love why should i deserve self love?
My mistakes were so devastating but i masked them as courageous.
I was selfish as fuck bipolar and drunk, in denial so I could never say this.
And Ive tried to make it right, I've fought to be redeemed.
But my head is a bad place for me that i can never leave.
Their admiration is effortless, they don't have any demands.
These kids love unconditionally I don't deserve this fairy land.
And that's what it is, its magic, untainted by reality.
A destructive force that they call mommy, they don't deserve the brutality.
I wish that I take a pill and bipolar would go away.
I have taken bottles in one sitting bipolar is here to stay.
Im protective of my children more than usual because I've caused them so much pain.
But I cant protect them from this chemical imbalance this demon is here to stay.
I will never be cured. Its an uphill battle, I pray they never notice.
But ill never be what I want for them, and i will always know this.
So to my babies sleeping peaceful dream of your loving mother.
While I battle the turmoil inside, in a war that is undercover.
Scheme | ABCDEEFFGHIJKLMNOPIJCCQQRQMNSS |
---|---|
Poetic Form | |
Metre | 01111111011001 0100100101011111 1111111101111 1111111011111110 101100101111111 1111110110101 111111111101001 11010111111111 111110101111110111 0100010010111111 111110101111111101 011010111011010011 01111110111101 1110111011110111 1010110011111010 1110110100100101111011 0111111111101 111101111111101 101011001111001 1110100011011101 01111110010110 0010111110110100100 111110100101101 11101001100101111 101011101110001111111 111011111000101101111 1110111111101111010 1110111111011111 1111010101111010 1110010100111010 |
Closest metre | Iambic octameter |
Characters | 1,960 |
Words | 377 |
Sentences | 31 |
Stanzas | 1 |
Stanza Lengths | 30 |
Lines Amount | 30 |
Letters per line (avg) | 52 |
Words per line (avg) | 12 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 1,551 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 374 |
About this poem
I write when I'm upset, usually their graphic poems. Reader beware they are triggering.
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Written on September 18, 2021
Submitted by Tessa.a.larosee on September 19, 2021
Modified on March 05, 2023
- 1:55 min read
- 11 Views
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"Dual Diagnosed" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/109979/dual-diagnosed>.
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