Analysis of At Nineteen
I remember being Nineteen,
And wishing I could die.
But at that time,
I couldn't explain why.
Now I know
It was just the thought,
That mom & I
Had constantly fought.
And I felt that I
Could never measure up
To all that she was,
And all that she had taught.
There were other things too.
Like trying to find my future-
While stuck in the past.
And Beautiful Relationships that did not last.
Needless to say,
My thoughts would always stray.
I was smoking too much weed,
And I couldn't find my way.
I had high hope,
But with weed, I could not cope.
With the ups & downs of life.
I even bought a rope!
Because the thought of having
To live this life alone
Felt to me like an Endless Eternity
At Nineteen.
I didn't even know
HOW I would make it through,
All the future decades,
I was NOT looking forward to. . .
At Nineteen,
I felt I had no friend,
I so wished my sad life,
Would somehow just end.
I couldn't say the reasons,
I really had no clue.
But today I now know,
What I was going through.
Trauma caused by addiction,
My life was a Living Hell.
This poem is no Fiction.
This is the truth I tell.
It was also my bad choices,
Not knowing how to cope
With childhood trauma that tagged along
While I tried all kinds of dope.
I somehow thought addictions,
Would help me find my way,
To the Life I've always dreamed of,
To the Life I have today!
But it took YEARS of counseling,
It took YEARS of prayer,
To recover from addictions,
To begin to even CARE!
I DO NOT recommend-
The way I've lived my life.
But it is what it was,
And it's what I have done.
Today I am so grateful,
To finally find my way.
To no longer being hateful,
And to live a better day!
Scheme | abxb cdbd bxed fxgg hhxh iiji kxxA cfxf Aljl mfcf nono xixi mhxh kpmp ljen qhqh |
---|---|
Poetic Form | Quatrain (63%) |
Metre | 10101011 010111 1111 110011 111 11101 111 11001 01111 110101 11111 011111 101011 11011110 11001 01000101111 1011 11111 1110111 0110111 1111 1111111 101111 110101 0101110 111101 11111100100 111 110101 111111 101001 11110101 111 111111 111111 1111 1101010 110111 101111 111101 1011010 1110101 1101110 110111 11101110 110111 11101101 1111111 111010 111111 1011111 1011101 11111100 11111 10101010 1011101 11101 011111 111111 011111 0111110 1100111 11101010 0110101 |
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 1,693 |
Words | 393 |
Sentences | 29 |
Stanzas | 16 |
Stanza Lengths | 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 |
Lines Amount | 64 |
Letters per line (avg) | 20 |
Words per line (avg) | 5 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 78 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 21 |
About this poem
Sometimes there is a measure of healing in being able to look back upon another time in your life, & understand what you were going through. This is what this poem is about. There was a time I couldn't share my feelings or trust others with my heart, and how painful that was at an age when I should have been reaching out to the world to find my place. Now, here I stand, years later, after recovering from addiction & child molestations, and other traumas, able to share parts of my story. I'm grateful I survived this battle described in my poem, to be able to share this with others. more »
Written on April 18, 2023
Submitted by ladybugsnpoetree333 on April 18, 2023
Modified on April 25, 2023
- 2:00 min read
- 117 Views
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"At Nineteen" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 9 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/157188/at-nineteen>.
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