Analysis of The Debutante (revised version)

1. Life without friends
is empty and bleak.
like the pit of quicksand
That they all gather 'round
sitting,

...watching  me sink.

Not a cry,

Nor  a yelp
                                seem to reach
an open ear.

"Have they all fallen deaf??

Why do they not hear?

They just sit,
                          They just stare.

Watching me struggle;
                        as my lungs
                                      grasp at the open air. "

2. But all I could see
                         were faces,.......empty
faces.....
                                       faces as empty..
as one would feel
                                 opening a love letter....
and inside to find
                        nothing more  
 than a blank sheet....

Its disbelief
                            that causes one to seek

a sign,
                             or a word of affirmation

but all you find
   is disappointment

as you stand there,

staring down
                                               to a blank sheet

3. Perhaps it was,
                             the panicked glare,
that hit them like
                    a brick to the face
No spoken words,
                    and from my mouth,
                                                       a Beckoning silence
striking hard,
                like mortar bombs
that blast
                      over the battlefield.

Perhaps this is so,
From my face they read
A pleading to know

“Do you not love me
anymore?”

4. All was calm,
but now a great stir…

I watched ….
as those faces,
empty faces….
took on a new form.

The skin crinkled…
And began to twitch
The muscle beneath
twisted and turned.       
It is true,
one could say,
that very moment
                                        the dead had entered

a metamorphic state.

5. The faces
I once saw
Were now in outrage
and appalled.

clearly I’d committed
                                             the great trespass
and assault.

They falsely reassure

With a shake of their fist

And outloud they call:

“By Golly now,
We do care!”

they turn their backs,
and walk away.

They can't be bothered,
no,

not this year.

6. My face,
now bleeds
I’ve forgotten..
                  So I ask, “Who am I?”
My heart
Now swollen
        Oozing from it
The pus of infection,

as bitterness has become my disease

7. I struggle to keep my head above
I am a fool
I am wrapped in a cloak of shame

As my most beloved one

Turns her back
and walks from me

and I am left

to have seen,
              even one glance back.

8. to them,
                                              I had given all of my heart.

to them,
                                               I had given all of my being.
I had promised to love them endlessly.

The warmth and love I once could feel
Has turned and become rotten,
like the flesh of a poisoned veal.

To feel that same devoted love,
                         like the innocence of a child,
who blindly trusts.
Putting all they have in
   With the warmth of love
brimming with cheer.

To feel in such a way,
                             if ever again,

has become the horror,
                   of my greatest fear.

I am pained…..

She is the Debutante
                             I am an empty hole
I do not deserve
her love or thoughts

like a paper cup is crumpled
and tossed into the bin of waste
so easy to grab a new one
as the former has been replaced

I am pained…..

it is a stone
Its heaviness weighs me down
and that Is the point when I give in

sinking to the bottom, and to my end

Forgotten
         are the times
I was there for them

as she paints me into
her adversary
Quick to wipe away

like the devious tear
that rolls down her cheek

She opens her mouth

and so she speaks

making it known
                      that my loss of hope
is nothing but a joke

My friendship...
         it is not wanted

My care...
                 it is not needed

And she writes me off
with her diagnosis of a "delusional state"

All has been replaced

and from their minds, I am nothing more,
than a chalkboard
                                  that’s been erased