Analysis of Losing My Son
A nightmare that I can’t wake from.
Grief is ugly, earth-shattering, and heartbreaking.
It is a tear-stained face. Grief is eyes full of tears and numbness.
Grief is my breasts filled with milk for a baby not here to feed.
Grief is pain.
It is the loss of hope.
Grief. Heartbreak.
It is delivering your son, and not hearing his heart beat.
It is holding him and loving his lifeless little body.
It is his perfect face.
Ten fingers. Ten toes. Toenails. Fingernails.
It is having to say goodbye to the promise of a future with him.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain.
It is watching your sisters, friends, and cousins announce births and pregnancies, wanting to celebrate with them but instead I can’t. I’m burying my face in the pillow and crying all night, wishing.
Wishing I would wake up from this nightmare and my son would be here.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain. Numbness.
It is losing your relationships with friends, because they don’t know what to say around you, so they stop calling and checking in.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain. Numbness. Alone.
It is missing out on family time, because even though you love your nieces and nephews, it is too hard to be around them.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain. Numbness. Alone. Self-hate and blame.
It is wondering if you did something wrong.
Is it my fault?
I have now lost two children.
Grief is feeling inadequate as a mother.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain. Numbness. Alone. Self-hate and blame. Anger.
You sit alone in your house, your arms wrapped around your empty womb. Your head drops and you sob, screaming and wailing for the loss that keeps growing.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain. Numbness. Alone. Self-hate and blame. Anger. Emptiness.
It is putting all the baby clothes away.
It is closing the nursery door and not wanting to go in.
It is hugging a teddy bear with my son’s heartbeat inside.
Knowing, I’ll never hear it again for real.
It doesn’t stop.
The pain.
The grief.
The heartbreak and heartache.
The anger.
The disbelief.
The numbness.
It just doesn’t stop.
Everyone keeps saying it will get better with time. It doesn’t. It hasn’t. It won’t.
Everyone says that God has a purpose.
What purpose?
Instead of being with his mother and father he is in heaven?
I wanted him.
I loved him.
I had plans for him.
Not just me, but my husband too.
We wanted him.
We needed him.
He was our sunshine.
But now we sit in darkness.
Grief. Heartbreak. Pain. Numbness. Alone. Self-hate and blame. Anger. Emptiness. Disbelief. Heartache.
Losing my son.
I won’t ever been the same as I was before.
Scheme | XABXCX DXXXXE CAX BF XX XXXGH HA BXFXX ICJDHJBI XBBG EEEXEEXB DGX |
---|---|
Poetic Form | |
Metre | 0111111 11101100010 110111111111010 111111110101111 111 110111 11 110100110110111 111010101101010 111011 11011110 11101111010101011 111 11101101010011010010110111011111001100100101110 101111111011111 11110 111010101101111111011111100100 1111001 11101110010110111110010111111011 11110011101 11100111101 1111 1111110 111001001010 1111001110110 1101011111011101111011100101011110 1111001110110100 11101010101 1110010010110110 11100101111101 10110110111 111 01 01 0101 010 001 010 1111 101101111011111111 101111010 110 01110111001011010 1101 111 11111 11111101 1101 1101 11101 1111010 1111001110110100011 1011 111010111101 |
Closest metre | Iambic pentameter |
Characters | 2,589 |
Words | 502 |
Sentences | 100 |
Stanzas | 12 |
Stanza Lengths | 6, 6, 3, 2, 2, 5, 2, 5, 8, 4, 8, 3 |
Lines Amount | 54 |
Letters per line (avg) | 36 |
Words per line (avg) | 8 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 161 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 37 |
About this poem
This poem is about losing my son, Gary Paul Evans. It is about all the feelings that come with it.
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"Losing My Son" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/184966/losing-my-son>.
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