Life passing by

           Life passing by

Here I stand in all my glory
My heart was broken and here’s my story.
It was long ago when I was younger.  
I could not learn although I hungered.
I could not hear as I had troubles.
They did not know until I was second grader.
So my mind was weaker and lost its learning
I did not know how could I have known the trouble coming.
I got my hearing fixed by doctors when younger.
But way to late for my educational learning.
My years went by from school to school.
Pushing me from grades as I was growing much older.
How could I learn when the teachers were jumping me forward.
By high school days I was a mess and was picked on and tormented.
My self esteem was  destroyed and was not in the picture.
My mental state was lower than ever.
I never knew the things I should have known.
I did not know the mental state of the mind and it’s effects.
I turned to booze,I turned to drugs.
I tried to sweep it under the rugs.
My careless lifestyle would take a toll.
As drunken haze was my window to my soul.
For 60 years I struggled with relationships and life.
I was a mess my future was grim.
In 2004 I met my wife who loved the old me as  I was coming full circle.
But this day did not connect and I suffered from depression.
It was never easy in my work environments hold.  
Picked on and belittling hit me hard.
I was so messed up and couldn’t cope.
One night I overdosed on pills and coke.
I went so crazy and wished to die but denied the whole story I lied again.
My life of lies and holding in my deepest thoughts.
But lied my way out of doctors care.
I loved again in this lie of my life.
This was the time I never told the true story of Me.
My wife and friends just never knew.
Then someone said you’re not true.
Get some help for the real in you.
Diagnosis ADHD , severe depression and self esteem.
I was on some meds to help my mind.
This took time as I was still living the lie.
My drinking ceased as age came on.
No more passing out in my yard or on my Lawn.  
But then I got addicted to the destruction ofWeed.
This was an escape from my reality, this was addiction I did not see.
It would not help and I stressed my marriage. As I was home for five long years, I shed no tears.
I Almost lost all that I had built with my wife.
Then something snapped that I couldn’t understand.
So Here I am open to anything in life, I saved myself and saved my Wife.
I talk to much she says to me now.
I think she wonders what’s happening now.
What’s sad about this journey in life, is I’m now 61 and living free, mentally strong and thinking clearly.
But with God as my guide and my guardian Angel we will see this through.
I clearly not the man I was before my waking.
No more lies and stories made to impress.
My whole life was just a lie.
I will live now to day of death.
For I am “OLDWOLF”and I am Stronger.
“I am Timothy Howard Drader my father’s son.”
I am amazing with the openness of my mind.
Mental health is real and true, Mental Health can ruin you.
I pray to God it won’t torment any of you.
In retrospect of days gone by,I’m so sorry for all the lies.
I am an old man now who’s lived a broken life.
To my end now I will with my wife,I shall cherish these memories all of my “LIFE”
I am now the man I was to be, but sadly most will never see the mental issues that ruined me.

T. H. DRADER.
May 28th. 2022
3:11 am.