The Truth

Yesterday for the first time, in one day shy of 6 months. I went to Chesterfield Cemetery. Honestly I thought I would feel better after I left. Truth is I felt the exact same that I did on August. 7, 2020. I cried halfway there and all the way back. Sobs racked my chest. I couldnt catch my breath, my world spun in circles, pulled over a few times. 64 years worth of memories and stories, all narrowed down to a little metal sign with your name pushed me. It pushed me harder then i thought it would. No I dont wanna hear everytone grieves different, I dont wann hear it takes time or time heals all. I wanna hear the damn truth. That time dont do shit but go by, life goes on whether a perspn is here or not and will keep going on when im gone as well. The truth is their gone. and your sipposed to just keep going and pushijng on and dealing with it cause it happens to everyone. I get so sick of hearing You only live once, 'YOLO"! The truth is you only die once , you live everyday. However, living everyday even though you dont want to, or know how to anymore sucks! Ive pleaded and cried and begged  for months for people to listen to what im saying and no one is listening still. If you are in this point in life call me, because I will not only hear you but i will listen. Truth is no one knows what others feel, oh sure they can empathize and say they understand whether they been thru it or not. Truth is its not their life, all they can do is try to understand or lend a listening ear b ut do you hear them? Are you actually listening? Maybe your level of understanding is not what I thought it was. Sometimes the truth is you dont really care, you have your own life to live and own issues and problems. I get that, trust me I do. And on that note, the point of this is this.. Dont cry because you didnt listen. When they tried so hard to open up and be honest but couldnt find the words. Dont say oh I wish they would have called me because chances are they did, you didnt listen! Dont say I just talked to them and they sounded no different than normal, beacuse you heard them but di you listen? Sure you were busy, but did you call back?, text?, or stop by?. Prpbably not, chances are you were dealing with your own life, your own problems and whatever million things there were to do that was more important than a simple im listening. And thats ok, I get it. While your busy with your life and job, husband or wife, some people are struggling to just take another breath.