Numbing the monster away

As my immersed emotional moods are starting to unravel and my mind is awakening from a hypnotic functional presence. I'm trying to sort from a dream state that was actually reality. Realizing my own reality had been afflicted into darkness and mayhem I'm guilt stricken a shocked how my disabling alarm of self-control evaporates and "this" self sabotaging "ghostly being" consumes thy self and feeds off the high that stirs up damaging addicting endorphins. A divulging in a twisted aura of different numbing substances an corrupted action's. To reach the unreachable high of not feeling. Reasoning a questioning of what caused uncontrollable action's. And that's when I awake and realize how damaging my Narcissistic husband actions depleted my soul.