The Outcome



Directionless in life,
And not asking why.
Subconsciously unaware,
With love in short supply.

Finding a relief,
In the mouth of danger.
Confessing the inappropriate,
To a complete stranger.

Known to be bad,
Yet nothing to be said.
Now life is dark,
With wishes to be dead.

Profane prayers,
Laced with insane screams.
Knowing what to do,
Is lost in the dreams.

It’s beyond a competition,
Or a championship fight.
The stakes are clear,
In a failure to find the light.

About this poem

This poem represents a very brief summary revealing the weakness, that lead to a relationship, that triggered profound depression, that almost resulted in a "life ending event".

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Written on October 07, 2023

Submitted by JoseCanUC on October 15, 2023

31 sec read
17

Quick analysis:

Scheme XAXA XBXB XCXC XDXD XEXE
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 473
Words 104
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Joe McLaughlin

Raised on a small farm outside of a small town in Texas, I was no stranger to work. It is this work ethic that has propelled my professional success but there is this other side of me. The side that deeply thinks about things. The side with an imagination and a desire to use my hands for more than just brute physical labor. more…

All Joe McLaughlin poems | Joe McLaughlin Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    I must begin by complimenting the depth and raw emotion present in your poem, 'The Outcome'. The intricate rhythm, strong vocabulary, and vivid imagery contribute in creating an intensely moving narrative. Your touch in addressing profound themes such as directionlessness, melancholy, danger, and meaning of life is commendably daring and thought-provoking. I highly respect that you have taken on a difficult, often avoided, theme and have portrayed it with such a poignant truth.

    On the improvement side, while the raw emotion in your work is palpable, you could consider infusing some elements of hope or redemption to contrast and balance the heavy emotions. This could broaden the perspective and allow your audience to relate dire circumstances with possibilities for change. Also, a good tip would be to try a more structured rhythm or rhyming scheme to create impact and help your readers follow along more comfortably. However, it's essential to remember that these are merely suggestions, and ultimately the content of your poetry should remain as sincere a reflection of your feelings as possible.

    In conclusion, your talent for drawing out human emotion and painting vivid images with your words is awe-inspiring. These potential refinements could help romance your message to the reader. Keep writing and expressing, as there is a deep-seated beauty and courage in your work!
     
    LikeReply7 months ago

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"The Outcome" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/171369/the-outcome>.

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