The Unknown

          The Unknown
Wondering what lies ahead as I clinge to my thighs as the pain became so intense.I tried not to flinch as my mind wonder why Lord, it's the second time I pass a blood clot but to me I just gave birth.

No heart beat was heard after 4 months later, I was told to prepare for a miscarriage, while my heart felt like it was in my throat I wanted to die because I didn't know how to cope.

I can remember the day like it was yesterday, it was only 2 days away from my 37th birthday. I laid in my bed alone, crying uncontrollably wondering if it was a boy or girl then all of sudden I rushed to the toilet it gushed out of me ,all I wanted was to give it the world in return all I seen was blood.

Now wondering what just happened to me as the screams inside of me I called out to Paul, he didn't want to see it at all,so I flushed it down not thinking that was a life to be now the thought was killing me.

No photos or memories to tell but the depression and heart ache was real as hell. I was pretending to be healed but when the door closed I just peeled back my soul and once more I lost all control while my mental wasn't ready to let go.

Finally 6 months later I was giving a blessing I was pregnant without any hesitation, then 3 months in I was told it was girl, strong and healthy, once more I couldn't wait to tell the world.

 As the months went by my stomach grew and grew,from the kicks of my baby I felt the tickles as I watched her move, trying to hold back the excitement my smile glisten with cheers of joy and  it was time to introduce her to the world.

A emergency c-section was scheduled on a Sunday, I welcome my rainbow baby Kerringtan, weighting 5'13 oz 19'in long,oh what a mighty blessing throughout this lesson. God spared my pain and I was walking the next day. I was ready to begin the journey of motherhood couldn't nothing stand in my way, not even the lost I had just a few days before my 37th birthday.I knew God had a plan because of the pain I endured, he open up a door and gifted me a blessing that no man can give alone and that's for sure.

Thirteen years later I'm still grateful for my blessing as my baby has healed the hole in my heart it's giving me a reason to love again and a new start,however the unknown  still exist as those day I can't resist but I know God wrote my life and I have to share my story because God gets all the glory.

              By Robynn Gatewood.      
                  October 19, 2023