The Day I Was Diagnosed

The day I was diagnosed was both the best and worst day of my life. The day I was told that yes there is something wrong with me, it was not just in my head. I mean, but the truth is my mind is the issue.
When you go years with an undiagnosed mental illness, you tell yourself that there's nothing wrong with you and that you are just weak. That everyone else has these feelings and can keep living and going on with their lives. But there is this little voice inside your head telling you there is something wrong and feeling like this isn't normal.
But you don't want to believe it. It's easier to believe that you are weak than that there is something wrong with you. That your own mind is the one telling you to give up, and that it's wired that way. Day after day, you are going to have to fight with your mind to keep living.
Getting diagnosed means you have to start trying, there are no more excuses. Once you are told there is something wrong with you, there is this pressure that is put on you to start and try to fix it right away. And everyone you talk to about it will not be able to stop themselves from giving you their opinion of your mental illness.
once you are told what you have, there is no more denying it. There is no more stalling the healing journey, no more convincing yourself that you are fine.
But you also get this freeing feeling when you are told you are not just weak, that something is going on in your mind that is making everything harder. That life can and will get better with some help.
This is your life now, filled with prescription medication and therapy appointments. You are getting better but you can't stop yourself from thinking about when it was bad and how if you knew then what you know now how different your life would be.
the day I was diagnosed was both the best and worst day of my life, as it was the first day I decided I wanted to get better, I wanted to live