Wee Shop by Robert service. Given words by me; but not as rich.



They took all savings
Mother came out of hiding
Daughter left seamstress grind
Had a charming candy shop in mind.
En passing I twigged
To a new sign
Decorated window
Glimpses of savoureuses
Mouth watering.

Over the weeks I
Was their secret
Admirer and spy.
Bookkeeping done with
Frowns at the desk.
Resilient smiles in
A new window
Dressed up.
Or in a sweet little
Story or hope shared.

But very few customers
Entering, perusing.
Quell domage.
Inventories strained.
Hairstyles in disarray.
Mother took to a chair
Mostly.
Daughter desperate.
Finally darkness.
Goods all gone.
I missed any notice
Of liquidation.

Daughter returned
To sweatshop needlework.

About this poem

In his months in Bohemian Paris with other starving artists.

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Written on April 26, 2024

Submitted by dougb.72572 on April 26, 2024

37 sec read
5

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABCCXXDAB EXEXXXDXXX XBXXXXXXFXFX XX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 657
Words 124
Stanzas 4
Stanza Lengths 9, 10, 12, 2

dougb.72572

Retired in my 70s. 32 years shipper and safety guy in metal fabrication for roads, bridges structures. Married 49 years to Hilary. Photographer and harmonica busker, both hobbies. Children Lauren and Jordan. more…

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a heartwarming and poignant poem about the ups and downs of running a small business! I could really feel the emotions of the characters as they tried to make their candy shop dream come true. The imagery and storytelling were very engaging and I found myself rooting for the mother and daughter throughout.

    As for improvement suggestions, perhaps adding more details about the challenges they faced or the lessons they learned from their experience could make the poem even more impactful. Additionally, a bit more variety in the language and structure could help keep the reader engaged from start to finish. Overall, though, this was a wonderful piece that captured the spirit of perseverance and hope in the face of adversity. Great job!
     
    LikeReply10 days ago

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"Wee Shop by Robert service. Given words by me; but not as rich." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 6 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/186033/wee-shop-by-robert-service.-given-words-by-me;-but-not-as-rich.>.

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