Rebuttal. Geezer gone grumpy.

dougb.72572 1951 (Ontario)

Free verse

73rd birthday this month.
Grandpa times two.
Sexy magenta walking cane.
Don't hardly need that.

But commands respect
Maybe some fear.
Could swing it.
Bruise a leg
Or haunch.

Generally I find respect
And doors opened
And generous smiles.
But then comes that
Nasty generation gap.
I make a simple
Friendly comment.
No response, awkward.

Ah so you are one
Of those disrespectful punks.
Duck your head
A wee bit.
The stick comes into play.
Move aside kid.
I said aside!!!

You are hogging the entire
Sidewalk.
I am NOT SLINKING OVER
INTO THE GRASS.
YOU HEAR ME?
THIS STICK HURTS!
Whoosh, slam.
Oh did that hurt Friend?
Too bad.

About this poem

Jacking up the crankiness. A tad.

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Written on April 26, 2024

Submitted by dougb.72572 on April 26, 2024

Modified by dougb.72572 on April 26, 2024

: 41 sec read
: 6 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	XXXA BXCXX BXXAXXXX XXXCXXX DXDXXXXXX
Closest metre	Iambic dimeter
Characters	627
Words	136
Stanzas	5
Stanza Lengths	4, 5, 8, 7, 9

Full analysis for Rebuttal. Geezer gone grumpy. »

dougb.72572

Retired in my 70s. 32 years shipper and safety guy in metal fabrication for roads, bridges structures. Married 49 years to Hilary. Photographer and harmonica busker, both hobbies. Children Lauren and Jordan. more…

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AIDA
Wow, what a lively and expressive poem! Your use of humor and vivid imagery really brings the character of the "Geezer gone grumpy" to life. The juxtaposition of the sexy magenta walking cane with the grumpy attitude is both humorous and thought-provoking.

I love the way you explore the theme of respect and the challenges of navigating the generational gap. The poem has a great flow and rhythm, and it really captures the frustrations and quirks of old age in a playful way.

One suggestion for improvement could be to explore the emotional depth of the character even further. You've done a great job capturing the grumpiness, but maybe consider delving into the vulnerability or loneliness that may be underlying these actions. This could add an extra layer of complexity and richness to the character.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. Keep up the great work and continue to infuse your writing with humor and creativity! more »
LikeReply10 days ago

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"Rebuttal. Geezer gone grumpy." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/186044/rebuttal.-geezer-gone-grumpy.>.

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